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I don't give a badger's nadgers...

I got spanked, and not in the good way, by the Budget. One per cent on National Insurance contributions. The sneaky bastards said they weren't going to raise income tax but I should have known they would work out some way to hoik up the taxes

I am going to be 500 quid a year worse off and I can't even whinge much because I pay the top rate of tax and NHS funding is a cause I believe in. Healthcare should not be provided at the diktat of insurance companies. People on the streets should get the same healthcare as people in mansions.

Still. 500 quid. Ouch.

It's a "putting your money where your mouth is" issue. I believe that almost everything which does not impinge on the well-being of non-consenting adults should be legalised, but then taxed to buggery, and this means shutting the hell up about the pain of tax rises.

[whining] but *500* quid [/whining]

Heh. We just got tomorrow's newspapers about the Budget speech. The night editor is going through them and this is his take on the opposition's comments on the speech: "And the Tories said 'arse, arse, arse'. Wankers"

Good to see that the fine traditional of journalistic impartiality lives in this office. *g*

* * *

What I feared to do with a certain mailing list has come to pass. It's nice being correct in a piece of nifty psychological prediction but that doesn't make it sting less.

* * *

Becky Carpenter (the one from Princeton who is a beacon of sense) has decamped to atbtvs. This depresses me. Michelle Kiefer has lost interest in writing XF, she says. This depresses me. I've been surfing XFdom and it is the land of the lost links. (Appelsini had a lovely phrase for it; something about cybertumbleweed...) This depresses me. PD is never saying never, but she's saying that in an insurance-policy sort of way.

And so on and so on and are you seeing the pattern yet, K? Everyone is leaving.

I'm like the last sad bastard at the party, shouting "Don't go home yet!" at friends who are tired and have other parties to go to. I'm clutching my bottle of beer and trying to turn up the music as the hosts put on their pyjamas and yawn pointedly.

[I have this theory that slashers are like canaries in the mines. If slashers are in the fandom and writing rampantly, it's a thriving healthy fandom; if they all drop off the perch, it is not. ("This is an ex-fandom; it has ceased to be" *g*) Presently, I think the slashers are all paddling in the shallow but enticing pool that is Smallville, where the boys are pretty and the innuendo runs wild and free. I can see the attraction. But I miss the days when M/K was not written by a teensy group of people.]

If I could turn back the clock, I would. I want things to be bright and shiny and have that sense of companionable adventure that comes from fannish togetherness and loving a show and being into it together

(and yes, I know it is a SNARE and FOOLISH SENTIMENT, and anyone who thinks that is SAD BEYOND ALL MEASURE, and all the other things that the caps-lock-toting whirly-eyed more-cynical-than-thou debunkers of happy delusion shout at anyone daft enough to admit this. They can sod off).

The trouble is that I don't particularly want to get into anything else. Nothing else stays with me in the same way.

I had a brief love of WW but the signal-to-noise ratio and endless Josh/Donna arse made me quit all but two lists. Plus, unless you write post-eps or politics, your subject has been done already. Endlessly. So I only want to read people who can really *write* in that fandom.

Buffy is too mature a fandom to be getting started in now. (I'm not saying that some people haven't done it brilliantly, just that I have no appetite for it) It's also too fixated on death'n'shagging.

Not that these are not fine things in and of themselves. It's just that I got my "hee, the characters can do that on the internet?!?!" NC17 phase out of the way while reading XF. I want plot with my death'n'shagging and destruction. Or fine writing and cunning insights

If I were to write anything, it would be either Gilesfic or Angel. I like Buffy to watch but feel no urge to add anything to what is onscreen -- perhaps because the Spuffy is not an abiding passion of mine. It seems pretty complete as-is. Angel though, there's room to work there. Loooove Wesley and Cordy.

And I love Giles. End o' story. But no abiding urge again.

Potterfic -- I can see the attraction but I can't get over the fact that it's the product of one author's mind, not a packaged, polished product of a big entertainment business. (I know Bloomsbury/SCholastic is a big entertainment business, doing very nicely out of Potter thankyouverymuch, but it *is* different) It feels like trespass. But hey, if you want to write it, cool. It's not like it's RPS ::ducks:: *g*

Farscape I could seriously get into, given time. I love it for its brashness and daring and arc plotting. But I don't *love* it yet. I don't love it irrationally, despite and because of its flaws. I don't get narked, despite my best intentions, when someone criticises it. I sometimes wonder if I am only watching it because people I like very much are there. (I know I'm not really, but it does sometimes cross my mind)

It still doesn't open up the endless vistas of possibilities that XF still does... well, for this lapsed writer anyway -- although this is the only show where I think it *could* be the same.

So... I love that bloody infuriating, disappointing, bizarre show and I don't give a badger's nadgers who knows it. I know all the arguments against, all the criticisms of S7-9 -- I agree with most of them -- but this is an utterly irrational affection for two characters and an online milieu which really chimed with me.

This was all sparked by something on wickedwords' journal:

And actually, I think that belief that there can be only one 'real' relationship in a person's life is part of the fear about new fandoms too. Will my friends ditch me and what we had for this new guy and his friends, rather than staying buddies with me? It feels like the same emotional dynamic to me.

It's all about The Fear. Jarvis Cocker is wise indeed.

* * *

People are going to Potosi this weekend. I am so envious I could spit. News at 11.

However, all is not lost as I have a houseguest! Downward spiral of gloom averted! Huzzah!

Still got no furniture, mind.

I could've bought a sofa with that 500 quid. Bastard government. *g*

Comments

( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
emmbright
Apr. 17th, 2002 07:24 pm (UTC)
I'm like the last sad bastard at the party, shouting "Don't go home yet!" at friends who are tired and have other parties to go to. I'm clutching my bottle of beer and trying to turn up the music as the hosts put on their pyjamas and yawn pointedly.

::sigh:: I feel the same way. I just got here and I'm having fun -- I don't want everyone to leave! Once it's off the air things will be different, and I have a feeling I'm going to start pestering myself to get over it already and move on with life -- get a better job, find a new hobby, unchain myself from the computer, that kind of thing. And I don't want to dammit!

Um, anyway, my point is that I share your sentimental feelings. Nothing makes me want to write the way XF does, and if nothing else I'm loathe to let it go for that reason.
lilydale
Apr. 18th, 2002 04:59 am (UTC)
What Emma-M. said.

Plus, I wish you were one of the people going to Potosi. Just to hear you say "I love that bloody infuriating, disappointing, bizarre show and I don't give a badger's nadgers who knows it." out loud would make my life complete in some strange way, I think.
revely
Apr. 18th, 2002 05:42 am (UTC)
Except that K wouldn't say that out loud. Well, not all at once, anyway. A few words per hour only, right K? *g* But we'll miss you! I'm going to be sending you a big box of swaps next week (note: lightweight swaps).

And I have another something to send you today - for your fic depression. Files are coming...
lilydale
Apr. 18th, 2002 06:15 am (UTC)
I hope that one of my swaps will find its way into the big box of swaps as it is lightweight, music related, and thus mandatory for you to have. *g* Maybe Rev can help make that happen...
revely
Apr. 18th, 2002 06:36 am (UTC)
Re:
I can make it happen. Just remember to give me two. *g*
revely
Apr. 18th, 2002 05:52 am (UTC)
Me three
Well, not that I'm a prize anyone wants to keep, but if it's any small consolation - I'm not going anywhere either. I've got nowhere to go. I can't even remember to watch Buffy, Smallville (despite long-standing Superman fetish), West Wing or any other current TV program, much less see myself trouncing off to play at their fanfic parties. TXF is my First Love, and being the loyal, status quo wanting hanger-oner that I am, I can't even fathom wanting to fall in love with any other show. (No! I won't! You can't make me!) What you said about those other fandoms are basically the same problems I have. Spike makes me laugh - this does not mean I feel at all inclined to start trying to undersand him. Smallville does not have Lois Lane. Farscape has muppets. I just don't care to try. ;-)

So if anyone needs me I'll be sitting over here in the corner nursing my broken heart. *g*

Also, don't fret about missing ST this year. We'll see you next year, in some place other than Potosi (the Lakewood people are on our hit list). I have

I have packed the Hobnobs. I am ready to go.
noelleleithe
Apr. 18th, 2002 06:17 am (UTC)
Is there room for me on this bandwagon?

And oh K., I am so going to miss you (and your silk sleeping bag), lying for very brief periods of time in the middle of the night in the bed next to mine. Not to mention the three short, quiet, and side-splitting sentences per hour.

Whatever shall I do??
lenadances
Apr. 18th, 2002 07:02 am (UTC)
[I have this theory that slashers are like canaries in the mines. If slashers are in the fandom and writing rampantly, it's a thriving healthy fandom; if they all drop off the perch, it is not. ("This is an ex-fandom; it has ceased to be" *g*) Presently, I think the slashers are all paddling in the shallow but enticing pool that is Smallville, where the boys are pretty and the innuendo runs wild and free. I can see the attraction. But I miss the days when M/K was not written by a teensy group of people.]

Yeah, that seems to be the way things are headed. Also, this is a fantabulous theory: the slasher canary theory! Hooray!

Ahhh, XF. My first great love and possibly the last-- you're right, there's no other show out there that has what it has. Smart smart adults, UST, science fiction, horror, mystery, and that glorious banter/argument of totally different sides to solve any case. It puts all my happy points together. WW has the smart smart adults and the banter, but lacks all the sci-fi/horror/mystery; Smallville might be interesting but it seems like a Buffy/XF crossover and that is a sort of squick of mine; Farscape is fascinating but has crossed the line for me into being just *too* sci-fi; Buffy is glorious but YOUNG (and I know they're just a few years shy of my age, but still, it's all in the POV) and, let's face it, without the Giles around there's been a noticible drop in the brainiac section. Angel I could love, if I ever remembered it was on MONDAYS now instead of its proper Tuesday home (damn those WB fuckheads, damn them to hell) but somehow I can't seem to summon the energy.

Ah, fandom, how I loved ye.

Have fun with S.! SO JEALOUS I am. Grr. Wish I could go to England. Must purchase a bed and wardrobes instead. (On the up side, this will be the first time I will own a wardrobe. I wonder if buying such from Ikea will prevent the childish part of my brain from stepping inside, just to check for fir trees.)
loligo
Apr. 18th, 2002 07:52 am (UTC)
If I could turn back the clock, I would. I want things to be bright and shiny and have that sense of companionable adventure that comes from fannish togetherness and loving a show and being into it together

Yes! If I could turn back the clock, it would be season 4 and 5, and maybe 6, forever. Not just for the episodes themselves, but for all the fan activity that went with the episodes. I miss that incredible community and creativity so much. I don't think I'll ever feel that way about a show or a fandom again. There are other shows and fandoms I enjoy, but I discuss them online mostly as a way of keeping in touch with former X-Philes.

Unfortunately, I loathe what XF has become, and so I had to leave the party, because not even I want to listen to me bitch and moan and cry every week
sophia_helix
Apr. 18th, 2002 08:24 am (UTC)
About new fandoms: It will never, ever be the same. Really.

I've fled to the land of yellow continuity *g*, but while I absolutely adore Buffy as much as I ever loved XF, the fandom isn't the same. I don't want what I used to want out of it. I don't interact the same way. I fell for fandom as much as I fell for XF, and you really never can feel that way again.

It's not so much that you can't have more than one "real" love in your life. It's just that you can't have more than one first love. I definitely approach Buffy in a more mature fashion -- I'm more laidback, I don't have that burning need to be online interacting every second, I don't feel the same jealous ache I did with XF for having missed the first few seasons. In some ways it's been better, because the themes are carefully constructed and it's less frustrating to try to make sense of the show, but no, it will never, ever be half as exciting as XF ever was.

But, as I think someone mentioned above, it's not just XF changing. It's fandom. Like it or not, blogs have mutated us forever. It's almost impossible to be the way we once were, walled up each in our fandom of choice, loving it good and bad. Everyone is pretty much expected to at least read in one or two others, and being a multifandom slut is no big deal. I honestly attribute this to the mainstreaming of m/m slash (yes, there is a difference), since slashers have always moved between fandoms with more ease than gen/het writers. The days of fandom as fiefdom are pretty much over. One fandom's quiet lurker is another fandom's diva, etc etc.

So I don't even think it's people abandoning so much as shifting around. It still sucks. And when, as in my case, you love the fandom more than the fans, knowing you can read their work elsewhere isn't much of a consolation. I miss reading great fic, sure, but I also never really caught up on the backlog of "classic" stories I missed, and nothing stops me from writing more if I damn well feel like it. But I miss anticipating the show. I miss the thrill. I miss the joy, which I can no longer separate from the joy of discovering the internet world.

I think the only really cheerful thing I can think of is that, in many cases, there are reasons for people leaving. I know that for myself, it's because my life is gearing up towards the post-college world, and I'm finding less need to be online. I'm hooked on Buffy mostly, I suspect, because it's a fandom that doesn't require much maintenance. Watching the show is enough of a fix for me. Others are also moving onto different life situations, especially among us young'uns, and I think that's a good thing. Maybe it's like a graduation. Of sorts.

.
cofax7
Apr. 18th, 2002 08:53 am (UTC)
and yes, I know it is a SNARE and FOOLISH SENTIMENT, and anyone who thinks that is SAD BEYOND ALL MEASURE, and all the other things that the caps-lock-toting whirly-eyed more-cynical-than-thou debunkers of happy delusion shout at anyone daft enough to admit this. They can sod off

You tell 'em. I love that: 'caps-lock-toting whirly-eyed more-cynical-than-thou'. Bwah.

Oh for the glory days, heh? Ah, well, I can't say that I'm really saddened. I mean, yeah, it was great. But heydays are ephemeral, and hanging onto them just doesn't work. I'm glad I was there for the high point of the fic, and even (to a certain extent) for the flamewars on atxc.

But I do think Maren is right -- things are changing, and changing fast. I'm not just an X-Phile (or an Ex-Phile), but a media fan. Sigh.

I sometimes wonder if I am only watching it because people I like very much are there.

God, I hope not. I mean, well, I pimped it to you seriously but I hope you like it for its own sake too. Me, I'm still in 'irrational love' phase, convinced this is the best thing ever, etc etc yada yada fishcakes. Which I know in my saner moments is probably wrong ("Jeremiah Crichton" anyone? *g*), but I totally have the jones as bad as I ever did for XF. With the added bonus of getting to the party before it was half over...

I miss Potosi too. Especially right now, I could really use some crazed ficwriters and a lot of alcohol around.
themoonbar
Apr. 18th, 2002 06:46 pm (UTC)
You know, I'm starting to feel guilty for not absolutely hating Jeremiah Crichton. Okay, I'll admit the dead, furry thing on his face was the worst thing since S1!Scully's wardrobe, but I didn't hate the episode. In fact I spit on my monitor during that scene when D'Argo jumps in, sword flashing, tongue flying and John looks like he couldn't possibly *be* more bored. But that might just be because I'm with you in the swoon period where the show can do no wrong. Ick, how annoying of me.

But I do miss XF, in more ways than I think I ever thought I would. Nothing surprises me any more. Even Farscape, which has taken complete and total control of my brain, is just another fandom. I think you always think you'll love your first fandom forever and the people will always be sane (Or at least the majority will ) and the fic will be well-written, and then five fandoms later you finally adjust to it being a flow. Which is depressing as hell.

-Anna
infinitemonkeys
Apr. 18th, 2002 02:44 pm (UTC)
As you can tell, I was feeling very nowty yesterday...
Yesterday I was just possessed by a vast rush of nostalgia. I had *such* a good time road-tripping last year and it all came out of a stupid TV show.

Loligo: I know what you mean. I felt that way myself for a bit. And I think it's classy of you to just say "I no longer like it, therefore I will no longer discuss it, because I got burned here" rather than hopping onto atxfa/atxf and pouring bile over every thread in an unamusing way

*cough*Al Ruffinelli*cough*Laurie Haynes *cough*

Rev and ST people: One of the reasons I had hoped to go to ST one more time is to improve my sentence average to maybe ten per hour.

Rachelena: Visit. You know you want to

M.: You are absolutely right. It was a first love: the newness of the milieu, the vast numbers of scary-smart people with a similar sense of humour. I suppose blogdom is changing things, but now instead of BNFs there are big-name bloggers.

I'm finding less need to be online than I did once. Thank God. I'm back to reading two or three books a week and going out and these things are Of The Good. But yesterday the nostalgia would not quit and I missed the way it was.

C: Re FS. I would never have given it a chance were it not for your pimping, for lo, I am muppet-prejudiced (unless it is The Muppet Show, in which case bring it on) But yes, I totally watch it for its own sake now because it is excellent.

However, occasionally I think "you bandwagon-jumping saddo, you only watch what your friends watch"

Because I am like that. It's one more vibrant thread in the tapestry of "I suck", along with watching the VH1 "Britney Spears -- the early years" doc this afternoon instead of tidying up as I meant to do and along with buying peacock feathers from some chancer on the Tube because I'd had one pint too many and watched too many weird home improvement shows

I should probably get out more *g*

( 13 comments — Leave a comment )

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