It has come to my attention since I have returned from the cold, hard real world to the soothing imaginary bosom of LJ, that we are expected to have manifestos on all manner of things and write position papers and generally pontificate. Far be it from me to turn down an opportunity to spout off...



(1) The friends list Well, first of all, I don't think it should be called a friend's list, it should be called something more realistic and less prone to arouse hurt feelings. I recommend "Bitches I'm Keeping MY EYE On!" or similar.

I have a very simple philosophy. I friend you if you're worth knowing and can get me the links to the good stuff, huh, canyacanyacanya? or can rec my stuff so it will be read by other BNFs, resulting in a veritable avalanche of brown-nosing, arse-licking and mutual frottage.

I think the whole friending/unfriending thing is fraught with difficulty so I will just say this:

I don't mind if you unfriend me as long as YOU DON'T MIND WAKING UP NEXT TO A HORSE'S HEAD, CAPISCHE? I think we understand each other.

I use filters on my reading list TO SCREEN OUT THE EVIL ALIEN MINDCONTROL, because I have foresworn environmentally costly tin foil in order to save the whales and make sure our children don't grow up in BIG YELLOW TAXI WORLD! (I could be getting a little confused about eco-responsibility here)

And also I filter people who squeeeal about "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" because we don't get that here and I am all pissy about it.

I only ever custom filter my posts WHEN I AM SLAGGING YOU OFF, YOU TALENTLESS TART. **

ETA: And do you know how you recognise a BNF? blipverts

That's right. They all have animated icons and they all watched Max Headroom and Eraserhead and STOLE the idea. So when you see an animated icon look *very* closely and for a millisecond there will be their SECRET SIGNAL flashing, which calls out to all the other BNFs who rampage over to your friends list like a herd of prolific slash-wildebeest.

Or possibly you explode. I don't know. I don't have statistics on that.


[** Except not really. I friend people I've met, people who people I like have met, people who are interesting writers and have stuff to say about the world or the creative process. All decisions about friending tend to be made haphazardly and on a whim and unfriending when I've got the hump. I usually snap out of it. ]

(2) Plagiarism is always bad.

And its most insidious, heinous form? Plagerism. You know that that stuff is *extra* evil.


(3) Slash If you like it, good. If you think it's the new black -- okay! I have loved much of it, mostly where I felt subtext I'd seen supported a slashy relationship or where the writer made me see subtext.

I wouldn't particularly welcome it if you slashed, say, Don Corleone with Vinny from My Cousin Vinny (hey, you could call it The Italian (blow) Job) but if you want to, go right ahead. Have fun. Make sure you include cigars and at least one spaghetti/schlong joke.


(4) RPF/RPS Don't like it, find it a bit disrespectful to write sexual adventures involving living people, and fifty million bright people screaming "but we are playas on the postmodern boundaries and you're just an unimaginative hater" is not going to change my mind. Partly because I don't know what the hell you're on about.

If you want to write it, fine. Have fun. I used to marry Johnny Marr on a regular basis when I was 13. I wondered about Boy George and Jon Moss ages before their affair came out (so to speak.) I read gossip. I subscribe to Popbitch. My hands are not clean. (The metaphorical ones anyway. The real ones smell of lime handwash and are squeeeeaky)

But should someone ever decide to make a test case of you -- highly unlikely but not entirely outside the realms of possibility -- don't come shaking the defence fund collection bucket at me, sunshine.


(5) NC-17 fanfiction/erotica Ah, these days my plot-to-fornication ratio has changed. I want 90% plot. It's a sign of getting old. Since my love life went mammaries aloft a couple of years ago, I find solace in your actual story stuff happening when it comes to reading matter. Otherwise I feel all Clyde Bruckman. [/TMI]


(6) Pie Pie is always good. There is no downside to pie.


(7) There is Malory Towers slash Proof that the world is weirder than you could make up. And also, oddly apposite. I think it's all that running around in very short skirts and midnight feasts.

See! It pervs itself!


* * *

Here endeth the manifestos for now. Please feel free to add your own.

Tags: fandom, meta, smartarsery
Avoid me because I'm: awake