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I fell in love with LJ all over again

Tell me, have you been back to your old entries to tag them?

I've found all kinds of things while rootling through old entries -- snark comparing Uruk Hai to Essex men, fandom insanity, weird news stories, continuity of yellow, the German arse-psychic, abysmal icons, wee bits of fiction I'd forgotten that I had ever written...

I started this journal back in July 2001, feeling it was very unlikely that I would ever say anything. I gave myself the name 'infinitemonkeys' because that's what I thought about LJ then -- that it was roughly analogous to what would be produced by an infinite number of monkeys in a giant room of typewriters. Of course, that's not true. Some of the most thought-provoking analysis of politics and media has happened in this medium, written by you people. Some 90% of the times I've been caught laughing like a drain at work were caused by something I'd read by one of you.

The first entry was a simple two snarky lines. The first two replies were from coffeeandink and Revely before she was sucked into LJ on her own account. Those first months are all about pulling the form on like a jersey, seeing where it fits and where it does not.

I was different in 2001 and the same. I was certainly much more open early on and a bit gauche. I've not grown much wiser but I'm not sure I expect to any more. Back then, it was mostly about trying to make people laugh. I was more reckless about what I said politically then, but I think I still tried to couch it in acceptable terms. Well, I called Saddam Hussein's government "a vile coven of diseased monkey scrotums" but that's just reportage.

I wrote very little about music -- that didn't become my default conversation-starter until perhaps 2003.

I think it felt less like broadcasting in 2001 and more like chatting on a wide-ish mailing list. I think there was more of a sense of interconnection, of a web. I had a friends list then, rather than a reading list. I wish I still had that but I don't have so much in common with many of you any more.

Apparently I wrote a lot about The X-Files, Farscape and Buffy -- and fanfic -- which were our shared touchstones then.

Back then, I was still rather infatuated with America, the background fandom of my early life, spinning out from the memories of being seven and staring out at the lights of New York from a tanker on the frozen river one January night and being totally awestruck, leading through several university courses on US government, one awful thesis on American foreign policy in Latin America and then that first solo trip around the United States, which was all trains, planes and automobile rides up to Yosemite.

(Still, there was an election in 2004 and hallelujah, I'm cured)

It's strange to read that person in 2001 who was about to have all her personal and political certainties thoroughly shaken up.

I want to tell her that the rest of 2001 is going to be dire on a world level and really fucking *awful* on a personal level, and she's going to believe that if one more bad thing happens she'll break, but it all turns out all right in the end. Once it's over things will be better.

I want to give her a hug and chide her for being an idiot and tell her to listen to the wise coffeeandink when she wrote back in 2001 "You've been trying to talk yourself into this job for weeks. If it would be good for you, I kinda tend to think you wouldn't need so much convincing." After all, I did last in that job for all of three months.

I want to tell her that the dread I can glimpse between the lines of some of those posts is misplaced. The worst didn't happen.

I want to sing "I Will Survive" at her in a lovingly mocking way. I want to tell her that four years on, she'll still be listening to everything the Finn Brothers ever wrote and will no longer know any of the bands in the NME.

And that will be all right.


( 21 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 4th, 2005 01:26 am (UTC)
You make me sound all smart and stuff. I suspect selective editing.

Does falling in love mean you'll post more?
Jul. 4th, 2005 01:32 am (UTC)
You make me sound all smart and stuff. I suspect selective editing.

No selective editing in the least. You were so right.

To your second question: I hope to.
Jul. 4th, 2005 02:45 am (UTC)
Ah. The day I check LJ and you're here. I'm glad.

It's a weird thing looking backwards. I have all the birth stuff in mine and that's just a strange and wonderful and awful time.

Glad you've been here, though. You are one of the best for me.
Jul. 5th, 2005 12:07 am (UTC)
It's odd but I do miss the days when you were under the thumb of corporate America because I saw more of you then. Selfish but true. Hope all is well with you
Jul. 5th, 2005 02:51 pm (UTC)
I miss being around. I'm looking for ways to change that. It may mean evening updates which is weird because my computer time is really limited in the evenings, especially with five other people in the house.

I've also just reached the point where there's so much to tell, I don't even know where to begin. I think that's the real problem with it all. LJ is feeling like a big game of catch up for me and I want to bring you all current because Christallfishhooks, there's a LOT.

I blow kisses your way. I think of you often and it's always followed with the phrase, "God, I wish she could come visit this summer."

Seriously. All the frickin' time.
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 5th, 2005 12:10 am (UTC)
I'm glad that you're thematically consistent *g*

Maybe my disconnect is a general disconnect rather than a merely fannish one.
Jul. 4th, 2005 06:31 am (UTC)
The Things we do for Love, eh?

(and I'm thinking you'll know what I'm referencing too, which is enough to make me happier than Larry Mullins)

VM is here, and you have made me very happy.

Speak when you feel the need, and never before, remember that.
Jul. 5th, 2005 12:09 am (UTC)
Re: Hmmm...
I am glad you have the VM. Do you still want the thing for the blog? I just finished a big web project thing and have free evenings again. I would need *much* guidance but I'd be happy to do it if you want
Jul. 5th, 2005 08:06 am (UTC)
Re: Hmmm...
I think about it, and I believe it's something I *need* to do for myself, to make time for... if you know what I mean. Metaphorical mountains, and all that.

I'd love some icons in the ratio if you have 5 minutes... I want to replace the old set...
Jul. 4th, 2005 07:33 am (UTC)
Don't listen to xsabx. You should write here all the time, to amuse and enlighten me.
Jul. 5th, 2005 12:10 am (UTC)
It is all about you. I know this. When are you coming over? When when when?
Jul. 5th, 2005 12:33 am (UTC)
I have no idea when I'm coming over. I need to apply for a new passport, for one thing. So not for at least 6 weeks. *g* Probably more than that. But I *will* come over and I will totally stay at yours and annoy the fuck outta you and then you'll be sorry. 'Cause now my friends Paul & Liz don't live near Bedford any more and are moving to Northern Ireland and that costs so much more with planes and boats and such. But you and they would love each other. We should go invade Belfast.
Jul. 4th, 2005 12:30 pm (UTC)
Great entry.

I don't think I want to go back and look at my first LJ entries. Eek! Luckily, I'm still mired in my beloved LJ Style 1 and can't use tags, so that will be my excuse for not going back and seeing what I was talking about in 2001. ;-)

(Also, you totally rock. I have mentioned that lately, haven't I? I'm sure I have. *g*)
Jul. 5th, 2005 12:11 am (UTC)
My 'whining' tag is getting a heavy workout *g*
Jul. 4th, 2005 07:43 pm (UTC)
Oh, you're back! Are you? Because, yay!

::settles down with mug of tea in your back garden, to talk about home improvement::

Missed you.
Jul. 5th, 2005 12:12 am (UTC)
Oh, I was thinking of you the other day. You remember the chair and table set? I burned them in a huge great bonfire. I hadn't sealed the wood properly so it all split. I felt so sad remembering that whole summer of everyone being here and me having no furniture but somehow it didn't matter...
Jul. 5th, 2005 01:57 am (UTC)
Okay, that makes me a little sad. Have you got new furniture on which to sit upwind of smokers and talk writing?

That was a marvelous visit.
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 6th, 2005 07:31 am (UTC)
I haven't gone back to tag, since I'm locked in S1 (too stupid to make S2 work for me) but I have gone back to look. It amuses me that one of my first posts was a meme about LOTR. *g* I'll have to link to it when I get around to watching the Two Towers, family style.

I am not making s2 work for me, I just switched over and said "ah, stuff it" One day I will bend it to my will but this is not that day. Possibly not that year.

And those early posts are strange (in general, not yours in particular) because we're all wandering about, writing stuff at random, until we sort out what is the purview of our particular LJ.

ION 2) I still need to get back to you in detail, but wanted to let you know that your trip will not conflict with when I will be in town (yay!) and hopefully we can get together as planned (yay some more!).

That would be splendid. I'm moving departments sort of, I think, but I should still be able to snaffle free time.
Jul. 5th, 2005 03:40 pm (UTC)
I totally understand the whole "fandom divergence" thing. There is TV I quite enjoy, but nothing has really sparked that same fannish lurve that I had. It probably means I should go back to original stuff.

Is VM, Veronica Mars, by any chance? I just finished watching the ENTIRE SEASON this weekend. So shiny! So good!

I hope you DO post more often. I miss seeing you around because my friends list is still just that.
Jul. 6th, 2005 09:00 am (UTC)
Is VM, Veronica Mars, by any chance? I just finished watching the ENTIRE SEASON this weekend. So shiny! So good!

It is. And I watched it just the same way last month. I've been going back over episodes in a sort of "how did they do that" way to see if their conclusion of the murder arc was justified and I think it was. Just about.

my friends list is still just that.

Mine mostly is. The core is but the core is maybe 20 people. There are folks on there I don't know from Adam and people I sort of do know but don't, if you see what I mean
Jul. 6th, 2005 02:54 pm (UTC)
Mine mostly is. The core is but the core is maybe 20 people. There are folks on there I don't know from Adam and people I sort of do know but don't, if you see what I mean

I've picked up a few friends-of-friends and they are fast becoming (if they haven't already) real friends, so that seems pretty good.

So, now that you have the Olympics, do you have spots for all your F-list to crash at your place? Tents in the garden! Wheeee!
( 21 comments — Leave a comment )