In July, my 40GB iPod fell over and would not be roused again. Apple told me to pack it up and send it to them. UPS duly delivered a box -- without any instructions as to what to do next, not even a phone number. I got hold of a number and got them to pick it up. Apple emailed me to tell me that my iPod was kaput and they had sent me a new one. This was on August 2.
By August 8, I was wondering what had happened, so I called up UPS and they said it was in their warehouse at Dagenham and was due for delivery. By August 14 or so, I started to worry and phoned them to find out what had happened. A very nice young chap said it was probably misplaced and said he would start a trace on it, and someone would call me on the Monday. No one called.
I rang them again and asked where it was. A woman said it was out for delivery. I explained that someone had already said it was lost, and she snapped "well, it's out for delivery NOW" I said I wouldn't be in and she gave me a barely polite response which translated as "tough shit". I call the next day, after there has been no delivery. Person says "ah, it must be lost, I will start a trace. Leave it seven days."
I leave it seven working days before calling again. Woman on the end of the phone says "I will start a trace". I say, you're supposed to have started a trace seven days ago. "I have no record of a trace. It'll take seven days."
UPS HQ refuses to fill to the rafters with pus and bile, despite my fervent wishes.
By September UPS agreed it was definitely lost and they would write to tell me so and compensate Apple to send me a new one. I wait. No paperwork appears. I despair and ring Apple. They don't know anything about the iPod. As far as they know, they sent it from the Netherlands on August 2 and it's been in Dagenham since August 7. I ring UPS and they say it is Apple's problem now.
UPS HQ still stubbornly refuses to explode, despite requests to God, Beelzebub, the tooth fairy and Terry Wogan.
I call Apple again and apologise for getting slightly shouty at them, given that it is UPS's fault. Apple, who are loveliness personified on the phone, even if they are hanging up and muttering "bitch", say they will send me a new iPod.
I ask if they are sending it via UPS. "Probably," says the nice Dutch Apple man.
"I won't hold me breath then," I reply, choosing "curmudgeonly" as my adjective of the day.
Today TNT (NOT UPS! Huzzah etc) delivered a shiny NEW iPod to my house. And best of all, Apple upgraded it to the 60GB colour dooberry with photo thingie. Not that I will use the photo thingie, but still, 60GB to play with. I can bung all my classical stuff on it now.
So Apple are top banana and UPS are shite. This is the happy moral of our tale.
– – –
Tonight I went to see the Australian film Wolf Creek with a couple of people. It's a horror movie that has been getting very good reviews here (it opens in the US in November). I have to say that I thought it was a very good movie and I hated the last hour of it with a passion.
Firstly, its good points: it opens very slowly, allowing us to get to know its likeable characters. There's a sweet, shy, nascent romance and some very unsettling Australian scenery -- a giant meteor crater said to be the site of alien visitations -- before the main action begins.
Unlike Hollywood slasher flicks, where you mostly feel that the psycho is doing evolution's work by killing off very stupid people, these are three bright, if hedonistic twentysomethings, caught entirely plausibly, by their belief in the kindness of strangers. All of them show a great deal of bravery and two show great initiative.
The predator in question is a horribly believable creation and the plot he kicks off has some terrific twists and shocks.
The downside of this is that the last 45 minutes or so is depressingly grim and frightening. You sit there are think "oh my God, I can imagine what terrible gory thing is going to happen next. Then the movie will top that horrible gory thing, but never to the point of happy believability.
If you love horror movies and slasher flicks, go see Wolf Creek. It will surprise you. Me, I am *done* with horror movies. I feel as if I need to see something with kittens in. Or possibly a movie in which someone bakes someone else a lovely cake and that is the extent of the surprises.
– – –
In honour of the return of my iPod, I give you a new round of the 'guess the random lyrics' meme. Only I cheated and did lyrics I like. Nothing too obscure (except maybe 12)
1) What do you make of the cool set in london? / You’re constantly updating your hit parade of your ten biggest wanks
2) Billy stands / All alone / Sinking sand / Skin and bone
3) Cracked skull with a creepy mind inside / I'm planning the greatest of escapes
4) And I was confronted by a powerful demon force
He said he was the devil and when he spoke
His words flowed like glowing lava from the mouth of a volcano
5) Love, love is a verb / love is a doing word / fearless on my breath
Teardrop Massive Attack. Guessed by corianderstem
6) I can't believe once you and me did sex!
7) They're passing the gun from father to feckless son
8) Twist of lime, Coke on the side. The brother loved the high life.
The Jackal Ronnie Johnson. Guessed by iamsab, and sophia_helix
9) Another fool would go down to the only place she ever went to lose herself
10) "Show me how you do that trick, the one that makes me scream," she said.
"Just Like Heaven" The Cure. Guessed by rhyana and anaxila. Hon. mention to rubberneck
11) Well if I was in your position / I’d put down all my ammunition / I’d wonder why it had taken me so long
Sitting, Wishing, Hoping Jack Johnson. Guessed by sophia_helix, and iamsab
12) I've given blowjobs on couches to men who didn't want me any more
In the Company of Men by Eliza Carthy, which I had thought obscure, except denyeverything1 likes Smallville vids *g*
13) Now there's nothing much to do but sit and rot in front of televisions staring back at me
I'm just waiting for the microwaves to wash me into the sea
14) My left brain knows that all love is fleeting.
Fell In Love With A Girl (Boy) The White Stripes (Joss Stone) Guessed by quiteserious
15) Come and hold my hand, I want to contact the living.
Will upload any and all if asked.
ETA: Clearly I am woeful at pitching this game right
Finally, my favourite song of this week, mainly for the sarcastic lyrics
Yeah but his bird thinks it's amazing, though
So all that's left is the proof that love's not only blind but deaf
He talks of San Francisco, he's from Hunter's Bar
I don't quite know the distance but I'm sure that's far
Fake Tales of San Francisco -- The Arctic Monkeys