Five people Sam Vimes has always longed to arrest.
1) Havelock Vetinari. Because he wonders whether anything could possibly discomfit him. It would be nice to catch him by surprise just this once but he suspects that if he woke up one morning and decided to clap the patrician in irons, the bloody man would invite him in for a cup of tea and tell Vimes there was no window in his calendar for arrest at the present.
2) Carrot Ironfoundersson. Just for the expression on his face as he paged through his inner legal encyclopaedia for the reason. Carrot may be getting wiser and wilier but he still needs to learn that not everything is a complex melange of cause and effect, but rather sometimes things happen only because someone has decided to be a right bastard.
3) Sybil Vimes (nee Ramkin) But only occasionally, when she organises dinner parties he really doesn't want to go to, in order for him to garner "the proper respect that is his due". He could put her in his office and they could drink stout, eat pies and play Cripple Mister Onion and then curl up together under his big woolly blanket on the emergency cot. It's the kind of evening they would both prefer, he suspects.
4) Wizards, monks, Gods, time travellers and anyone else who buggers about with causality, specifically as it refers to him.
5) Mimes. He's with Lord Vetinari on that one. Learn the bloody words.
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Five times Mal kissed Kaylee (musesfool)
1) Mal worked off of his gut feelings a lot of the time. It had been a risk ditching Bester for some slip of a girl. So when her quick thinking and an engineering shortcut that should never have worked saved them all from a decaying orbit and a very unpleasant landing with regards to velocity and, well, having no thrusters to speak of, he was relieved on all counts. His heart still beating like a machine gun volley he marched into the engine room, called her spectacular, and planted a kiss right on her cheek. She looked pink and happy and a little more interested in him than he felt comfortable with. Still, if he could've kissed himself, he would have. They were alive, his gut instinct was right again: he had a genius mechanic and she was on a lower share of the profits than Bester had been
2) Zoe was pissed at him for getting Wash thoroughly soused and into a barfight only a week before the wedding and was tending Wash's broken nose. She had made it clear that she was not going to be tending any wounds Mal had any time soon. He'd cleaned his scraped knuckles and the cut across his eyebrow but when he lay on his bunk he nearly levitated off the damned thing in agony. That xi niu liamang Abruzzi had smashed a pool cue in half and whacked him across the base of his spine.
And that's how he came to be lying across his bunk with his ass hanging out in the breeze while his engineer picked splinters out of it. It wasn't like he could do it on his own, though god knows he'd taken a mirror and tried. She was good at the doctoring though, kept him talking while she was working, and she laughed at his drunken gou pi. When she was done and he sat up she ruffled his hair like his ma used to. He was just turning to grin at her as she was planting a smacker on his cheek and suddenly there were lips touching in a way that was both pleasing and wrong.
He pulled away at a hint of tongue and a galactic-sized hangover chose that moment of maximum awkwardness to pounce on his brain. "That's not how it's going to be, mei mei," he said.
She looked embarrassed and more than a mite disappointed. "Wasn't that the idea was sick-making or anything," Mal went on, "but teamwork aint enhanced by getting romance in the crew."She pulled a sceptical face and he added. "See how Zoe and Wash linking up got you a prime view of my ugly, splintery ass."
Kaylee stood up and smiled, best face back on already. "It's a nice ass. Goodnight, cap'n."
Mal sunk his face into his pillow. "We have to get ourselves a doctor," he mumbled.
3) He had seen gut wounds and grey faces like that on the battlefield and it usually meant their company was about to be one fellow short and Mal was gonna have to write a letter to break some momma's heart. He kissed Kaylee on the forehead. Her skin was cold. He had no idea if that was good or not. He'd hoped never to see that pallor on a living soul again and the doc had better have done his best work or the tamade hundan would be meeting his maker.
4) She put on the dress and looked kind of like a pink meringue. He thought she looked prettier in overalls and engine oil but he wasn't about to put his foot in his mouth again. He kissed her on the hand, real courtly, like one of those old-time vids. "Shall we go to the ball, Miss Kaylee?"
5) Kaylee had ended it with Simon. She'd just realised that just because she could keep patching up the thing between them didn't mean that it would keep flying. She'd always be second and it wasn't enough. That didn't mean that it wouldn't hurt like a son of a bitch. He pulled her into a hug and kissed her hair and thought unhelpful things about Simon, which may have included the words "lanky, stuck-up streak of horse-piss".
* * *
Five paintings you would hang in your house. (aud_woman_in)
I know nothing much about art and almost everything that I love and can remember is sculpture for some reason. But anyway...
1) The Weather Project, Olafur Eliasson (http://www.oxygenkiosk.net/php-cgi/d/863-2/Unilever__Olafur_Eliasson.jpg) Not exactly a painting and you'd need a big house, but still...
2) Norway, 1940, Eric Ravilious (http://www.iwm.org.uk/upload/package/37/ravilious/pop_29.htm)
3) I don't know what it's called but this: http://www.parkeharrison.com/index08.html, or any number of their strange, unworldly pictures, which I came across through an LJ chat about art. I also like The Guardian (http://www2.oakland.edu/shatteringearth/artists.cfm?Art=37&Pic=57)
4) The Three Ages of Woman, Gustav Klimt (http://www.artchive.com/artchive/k/klimt/klimt_3ages_of_woman.jpg)
5) Kandinsky, On white II (http://web.sbu.edu/theology/bychkov/kandinsky_white.jpg)
I love a lot of the things Banksy does for reasons which will become apparent if you go here (http://www.banksy.co.uk/menu.html)
* * *
Five novels Jack O'Neill never finished reading. (Cofax7)
(1) The Da Vinci Code. It was lying around in the rec room and dammit if the thing didn't keep him turning the pages, but then Daniel came in and started mocking it on a historical, philosophical and literary grounds, so Jack put it down. Later he planned to read it just to annoy Daniel but then decided that life's too short
(2) Lord of the Rings. Daniel pressed it into his hands, talking about fully imagined worlds and epic voyages and "something good for the downtime". But so many worlds had forests like that that he was starting to expect Orcs, so he had to put it down for a while
(3) American Psycho. What. An. Asshole.
(4) Bridget Jones's Diary. It was *research*, okay? Jack thinks Teal'c stole it while he was in the infirmary. Jack's waiting for him to use the word "fuckwit" as final proof
(5) "Wormhole Xtreme (TM): The Nax: A Novelisation" by C.F. Xavier. He picked it up at the airport in a moment of poor impulse control and got so fed up of the half-truths that he left it on the plane. It's not as good as the stuff you can find on the net anyway. Probably.
* * *
Five things about 1973 Sam Tyler prefers to 2006 (not that he'd admit them to himself.) (vonnie_k)
1) It's 11 years too early for the Police and Criminal Evidence Act 1984, which was needed yes, and is a good thing, yes, but is also a giant pain in the arse when you know some bastard is guilty as sin and hiding the evidence.
2) The fry-ups taste *fantastic*. There's a greasy spoon down the road and so long as he doesn't look at the way that the cook smokes over the bacon and eggs and wipes down the units with a cloth that would be categorised as a nuclear-level safety hazard under EU health regulations, he's fine. He should probably be eating more salads but Gene would assume his next move would be taking up ballet. And would it be so hard for someone to import a fucking avocado once in a while?
3) Same goes for the beer. It's before all the big brewery takeovers of the 1980s, so there are all these little breweries making fantastic ales, instead of that chemical piss pumped out by the royal brewery in Moss Side. *And* you can get Watney's party sevens again. He should probably be drinking less of it.
4) Pan's People -- with their strange literal dances and their legs that go on forever -- on Top of The Pops. Hell, Top of the Pops before it turned into a show about people who were better at dancing than song-writing. Babs is his favourite
5) Crossroads. Shut up.
* * *
Five songs John Prescott has on his iPod. (CazQ)
1) Rhinestone Cowboy by Glen Campbell
2) Money, from the Cabaret soundtrack
3) The Gambler - Kenny Rogers
4) Is This The Way to Amarillo - Tony Christie
5) Sexual Healing - Marvin Gaye