K. steps up on stage into spotlight, casting distressingly large shadow.

Behind her, her vampire backing band, the very groovy Continuity of Yellow, throw Elvis-like shapes and wear shades indoors (usually the true mark of a wanker, but we will cut the undead some slack)

Finally, K. nods and they strike up...

TO THE TUNE OF "BE OUR GUEST"
FROM THE DISNEY MUSICAL "BEAUTY AND THE BEAST"

I'm hiiiis bitch
Joss's bitch
It has now become my niche
I rely on him to bother me,
Bewilder and bewitch

There was Spike
Snarling loud
And all of the Scooby crowd
Tara rocked, and Xander's funny,
Anya scared me with the bunny

They can sing
They can dance
After all, they're in a trance
thanks to a big, red, demon Fred Astaire!
And we thank God for leather
and all shout together
"I'm his bitch
Yes, his bitch,
Joss's bitch"

Band rock out on the middle eight. (K does not filk this bit as she's buggered if she can remember how it goes. *g*)

Joss we trust,
Yes we must
For he creates objects of lust
And while Tim may be his prophet
Joss leaves all the rest for dust

Big chorus line o' vamps comes on, game-faced and high-kicking. In tutus. Leather and toile ones. Especially the men.

Stage hands stake one or two vamps in the gantry to create a lovely glittery dust in the spotlights...

Videos,
DVDs
It's a merchandising wheeze
It's the wit I can't resist
Oh yes, I'm skint yet can't desist

Feel the angst
Yet again!
All the drama and manpain!
Even poor old "Angel" can't compare!
Oh yes, Joss sets us reeling,
so once more, with feeling
"I'm his bitch
Whedon's bitch
Yes his bitch...

big finale, sing along now

Yeeees.... Jo-o-oss's... beeeeeetch!!!"

Jazz hands

eyethangyew!

Goodnight.