Charities don't want them because you have to take the front door off its hinges to get them out of the house. The opening is about half an inch too small. I tried to explain that all the person collecting the sofas had to do was HOLD THE DAMNED DOOR while I did the screwing and unscrewing with my lovely electric thingie (a 30th birthday present from my dad, bless him). But no. This would mean they would be "liable" if anything went wrong.
And now, I feel a shivery wretching feeling as the words "political correctness gone mad" roll across my brain like an oozing, slimy tide of Richard Littlejohn. The horror, the horror. I must go wash, and possibly meditate on my thoughtcrime for some hours.
Though I do think it's pretty bloody silly that I am not allowed to take responsibility for taking my own door off because someone might have to hold it. I have decided to blame the Labour party, because they annoy me at the moment.
Anyway, adventures in freecycling continue to suck quite a lot. Today was the man who would kindly take my chest of drawers off my hands if only I would deliver them to his house. Make a sentence of these words: Strongly I Off You Suggest Bugger.
So out in the garden it goes for the wee pixies of East London to spirit away.
In yesterday's installment of Comedy Government The Labour Party Way, we learned that the home secretary's husband claimed taxpayer's money for his "additional services", i.e. gentlemen's filmic entertainment of an adult persuasion. Today it was the outrageous snout-troughery of our other fine elected representatives.
It turns out that Jacqui Smith was possessed of such colossal foolishness that she claimed for a new kitchen in her constituency house, thus allowing every newspaper in the world to hoot "THEY CLAIMED FOR EVERYTHING AND THE KITCHEN SINK!" Jacqui, Jacqui, you're the third most powerful politician in the country, surely you're bright enough to see that one a mile off.
Also, she claimed 80p for a plug. It might be legal but it's troughsnoutery and it gets people outraged, just as it did when Margaret Beckett tried to claim £1900 from the taxpayers for an effing pergola or the MPs whose constituencies are in London claim for a second house in their constituency, even though they already live in the city.
I would also like to know how Jacqui Smith's internet bill is £67 a month. I am with the same service provider, on the second highest speed tariff, with phone chucked in and mine's still about half that much.
Anyway, it turns out that this is looking more and more like either a deliberate leak designed to damage the government or someone selling the information because it's a bloody outrage. Intrigue and expensive inquiries ahoy.
I completely recommend this excellent look at ten of the most venal and/or stupid MPs in this fine country of ours. I particularly like that two MPs claimed for their iPods, and one MSP, shaking the moths from his wallet, tried to claim a £1 charity donation made by a hotel on his behalf.
At the risk of going all Jeremy Clarkson again, I laughed at and was depressed by The 10 most ridiculous fines ever imposed, from the Times, a well-known comic based in London. I particularly enjoyed the comments, which were full of frothing at the mouth loonies, banging on about socialism.
This is fun too: Those 20 G20 questions answered. Snarky but informative. (though at the time of writing everything with two Fs in it looks like it was written in the seventeenth century. Someone at the Guardian should probably sort that out. )
And tomorrow? ANARCHY IN THE UK! (or the small bits of it where people are really, really cross at the G20) FOOTBALL VERSUS UKRAINE ON APRIL FOOL'S DAY! (The headlines write themselves. Also Wales v Germany and Scotland v Iceland)
THERE IS NO FUTURE IN ENGLAND'S DREAMING!