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I am writing in reply to your job advert of the 4th for a sub-editor/reporter. I have long been interested in becoming a reporter, have pro-actively sought opportunities in the field and I am very keen to work for you.
I have gathered plenty of experience in the last ten years. Indeed, while at college I was a freelance correspondent for several magazines and wrote many articles putting the young person's point of view on various issues of the day.
As you will see from my cuttings file, the editors of "Bloodsports Monthly", "Reader's Knives" and "Soldier of Fortune" magazine were very impressed with my work.
I also managed to pay my way through four years of education using my entrepreneurial flair. A keen gardener, I supplemented my loans by running a small venture dealing in various medicinal and herbal products which I managed to cultivate myself despite being somewhat legally-challenged.
As you can imagine, this has given me many useful contacts in the world of international trade and I have had many pleasurable business trips to Sicily, New York, Belgrade, Hong Kong and Moscow to meet contacts from various family-run businesses and they are all very keen to help me succeed.
I know I would be a valuable addition to your editorial staff.
I think I can go so far as to say that if you don't hire me, you'll be waking up face to face with a horse's head and it won't be your wife.
To summarize: I know where you fucking live, sunshine.
I hope to hear from you soon,
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Actually, I *have* just been sounded out over taking a job on our sister paper. The pluses are:
1) more money
2) doing the job I love (designing)
3) Only have to work four days a week
4) possibilities of advancement whereas at my present job there are almost none. Everyone's young and no one leaves this company because it's cushy, it's unionised and it's ethically sound
5) Wouldn't have to change any of my paperwork because it's within the same company
6) Would only have to work at night two days a week. The rest of the time I would be working like a normal person
The minuses are
1) I would have to work every single Wednesday-Saturday, whereas here I get a five-day weekend every few months.
2) I would be the junior again. A senior junior, but nevertheless, a junior
3) The people are wankers -- although I do like many of them there are a few who I would not pee on if they were on fire
4) The working atmosphere is much less civilized
5) The timing of this is deeply, deeply bad
6) The paper is less stable and the entire company is in the midst of a huge cost-cutting drive. I don't think they'd chuck out someone who was young and cheap -- they usually chuck out the old warhorses who are expensive. But I don't know.
To summarise: This would be a really good move but I absolutely don't want to do it.