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Speak to me of American Idol

Okay, so now I am hooked on American Idol. It is so much better than Pop Idol because Simon is a big pantomime villain in it, and he knows it, and he winds those kids up something rotten. For Pete's sake, can't you see he's winding you up, you fools?

They all sing the same though, with that Mariah Carey warble and a facial expression like they're having a particularly painful bowel movement.

Can't someone get it through their thick skulls that the *words* should mean something and if you're doing the Mariah Carey/Beyonce/let me hit *every* single note on the octave within a millisecond thing, no one is going to know what the hell you're singing about. You're just making *noise* and I need you to go away.

And how glad was I that that creepy little smiley suckup kid in the brown got the boot at the last cut? Answer: very. "I know some of us went out late last night... well, not me..." ::big, suck-up smile:: "but I want you to know we're all doing our best". Creep

"I know I was better than 90 per cent of the people in there so why didn't they pick meeee?" Because you're a whiney little suckup who couldn't carry a tune in a bucket.

Oh and those two hard-as-nails, blonde bootfaces who had the hissyfit over rehearsals, Kimberly and Julia? They're going to be trouble.

I love Simon Cowell though. He is funny -- and he's honest, which they need. Horrible, but funny and I wonder how many of them get his dry humour when he isn't being outright bad-tempered.

Can Paula Abdul actually move the top half of her face? Beyond blinking, I mean? I think we need to be told.

I can tell you now, if this was on British TV, Frenchie thingywhatsit would win hands down, because Simon couldn't restrain himself from making a comment about her weight, there would be vast numbers of thinkpieces in the Daily Mail and the like about "Must all pop stars be thin these days?" and "Is her talent larger than her arse?" and all the grannies would get indignant on her behalf and vote for her because she can *really* sing.

Also the fact that people raised money to send her there would sit well with the public.

So anyway, I need to hear American Idol gossip when it's on, pretty please, so that I don't actually have to watch all of the bloody thing.

Though I want to hear Frenchie sing more. And I want that big dandelion-haired streak of runny egg who sang "Kiss From A Rose" to Paula get his arse kicked. That's not too much to ask, is it?

* * *

The all-new credit-card style Euro licence came through today. It is every bit as horrific as anticipated.

They also spelled my damned *name* wrong again.

* * *
The Friday Five

1. As a child, who was your favorite superhero/heroine? Why?

The doctor, from Doctor Who. [<--- Note fannishness of not referring to him as Dr Who]

He was unpredictable and he could always get away, to another time, another place; he had a robotic dog that could shoot laser beams, and he liked truth, justice, righting galactic wrongs and jellybabies.

Also, he never sprained his frigging ankle or screamed. Romana and Sarah Jane were okay, but there was a modicum of screaming there that never sat well with me

2. What was one thing you always wanted as a child but never got?

Siblings. Someone to look after.

3. What's the furthest from home you've been?

Either Tokyo, Panama or British Columbia

4. What's one thing you've always wanted to learn but haven't yet?

To play the guitar really well. Although in my fantasies about being in a world-conquering band, I was always the bass player. That probably says... stuff.

5. What are your plans for the weekend?

I had planned to go up and see my parents but the roads are really terrible (a Certain Person on a Certain List should feel absolutely at liberty to *bite me*) so I guess I'm going to go to the V&A to see the propaganda exhibit and maybe I'll get a theatre ticket if something is dead cheap. Possibly The Play What I Wrote, since I've been dying to see it forever.

* * *

1. How often do you read your friends page?
Way too often. I need to stop with the compulsive looking thing while at work

2. Does it annoy you when people post too often?
Only if it's boring.

3. How often is "too often"?
More than five times a day for almost everyone.

4. Do you worry when particular friends don't post often enough?
Sometimes, if they've not shown up anywhere else

5. Do you read every word of every post on your friends page?
Sometimes. The quizzes bore me but the memes seldom do. It's like doing a jigsaw but it's people.

6. Do you religiously check what's behind any lj-cuts?
If it aint quizzes

7. Do you use a reading filter?

8. What type of entry do you most like to read?
Fun memes. People talking about how their lives work and what they believe

9. What type of entry makes you grind your teeth?
Hissyfits. Axe-grinding. Whingeing if you're not funny. If you're funny, you may whinge as much as you like.

10. What type of entry sends you to sleep?

11. What type of entry would prompt you to defriend someone?
You know, it would have to be something pretty bad. Insulting friends, espousing a view that I really couldn't deal with, persistent stroppiness on hot-button issues. I mostly like people, really.

I think I've only ever defriended two people and that was because they weren't posting anything. Oh wait, once I had an immature strop and defriended someone because they'd done it to me first. Honestly, what a tosser I was being. I suspect I got defriended for saying something political though, so perhaps it was best all-round. I don't always think before I post. And then sometimes I think too much.

* * *

"I aint scared of lightning,
Come on and do your worst
If they gave degrees for cheating destiny,
Then man, I've got a first

No I aint scared of lightning
it's the same old empty threat
I've been standing proud beneath the gathering cloud
And man, I aint dead yet

No I aint scared of lightning,
The thunder never killed
I was born in a summer storm
I live there still. "


* * *

Politics to inane but fun trivia in 0.75 days. Not bad.



( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 31st, 2003 04:03 pm (UTC)
Ha! You've been sucked in. Everything you've said here is spot-on. Although Simon needs to come up with some better insults -- they're getting lame. Paula can't move the top half of her face because of all the Botox.

I think Frenchie (God, what a silly name) has an honest-to-goodness shot. Kelly, while hardly a "large" girl by any stretch of the imagination, was not a stick-figure skinny girl. The girl has curves and a bit of oomph to her.

Okay, she's a fab singer and utterly charming. But still! *g*

Once the show gets down into the nitty gritty and the field is narrowed down, I'll have puh-lenty to say about each and every single annoying person on the show.

I heart Simon!
Jan. 31st, 2003 04:52 pm (UTC)
I'll have puh-lenty to say about each and every single annoying person on the show.

EX-cellent. I look forward to it.

It's so sad -- this is going to be one of the four hours of TV I watch a week. *g*

Jan. 31st, 2003 04:22 pm (UTC)
How are you even watching American Idol?

Here it is on opposite Angel, so I kept flipping back and forth to try to watch it. I am hopelessly addicted and Simon is my hero.

In fact, Simon is the only one even remotely honest or anything like the REAL critics I ran into at lesser competitions all around Michigan.

I am astonished at the poor quality of the talent.

I used to be in State Solo and Ensemble Festival with hundreds and hundreds of kids just from Michigan who would outsing everyone I heard this time through. Hundreds. Where the hell ARE all those people?

Ten of the singers from my own high school could have made it to Hollywood, including me. That is fucking PATHETIC because I am so far from professional level quality that it's insane. Most of what I heard in the auditions was shameful. How those people had no idea that they sucked is incomprehensible to me. I was told I sucked every fucking day for the four years I was a paid performer. And the fact is I didn't suck that bad. I was in the top 20 people out of the 500 people who made it to the Fred Waring Vocal Music Workshop from all over the US. I got to audition for the solo contest, only 10 people out of the 500 who made the cut in the auditions to GO to the workshop in the first place actually got to sing at that show. My brother was one of them both years he attended.

But every singer there was better than what I heard this time. Last time I, personally, could have made the top 30. Maybe even the top 10 and that's not being unrealistic.

And I SUCK at the singing in comparison to professional singers.

Why are these loser suck-ass talentless nobodys making a TV show when people like our Barbie can't get record deals? It is unfathomable to me.

But I can't help but watch. I think it's mostly because they have no fucking clue about their own abilities. Or maybe a few of them do, but I love to see the rude awakening most of them get.

And you're right about the little weirdo. She'll do well here. Little Nikki was in the top 3 last time and she can't hold pitch, but she did have a sob story and a unique look. If this one can actually SING as well as look cool, maybe she'll win.

That would be fucking awesome. I also like the rocker guy, even though he has no chance in hell.

Jan. 31st, 2003 04:49 pm (UTC)
It's on ITV2 on a Friday night, and I can't go out because all the roads are sheet ice, the train lines are frozen and the Tube line out of Stratford is forked because of a crash last week.

You're being a bit harsh on the poor buggers who made it to the final. They don't suck amazingly. And anyway, they're not looking for great singers, they're looking for someone with the X factor, and someone very young who can be moulded.

I think that about half of the final 32 are probably pretty great singers, if they would stop trying to sound like someone else with all the melismas.

The others are okay, better than average but no great shakes. Pains me to admit it, but Simon is right -- the level of talent in the US is a fair bit greater than here.

However, the contestants here take themselves a bit less seriously and are much, much funnier so it all balances out in the entertainment stakes.

Is Barbie too old to audition for the stupid contest? Because that's just stupid, though I hear they have a really young cut-off. p
Feb. 1st, 2003 11:04 am (UTC)
I think the age range is 16-24, which is lame.
Feb. 2nd, 2003 04:59 pm (UTC)
I don't know because I didn't see every audition. But the people I saw just weren't that good. There were a couple who impressed me. But, seriously, the soloists at High School Vocal Jazz festival at Western Michigan University all the years I was in high school could outsing these kids. I think there's just the added hubris factor that most people don't have, I guess.

You have to think you deserve to be American Idol in addition to being able to sing. Apparently a lot of people who can't sing think they deserve to be American Idol.

Barbie is a couple of years too old to try out. I think the cut off is 25 or 26. A 29 year old was thrown out of the competition last year and a 30 year old is sueing to be allowed to compete this year. So we'll see.

Considering Britain is the size of one of our states, it's not that surprising that the whole of the United States has more talent colletively. That's just law of averages.

What I'd really like to see this year is them to pick someone who is not simply another Whitney or Celine wanna-be. I realize that's too much to ask, seeing we're the land of Britney Spears, but it would be really cool if they prospected actual originality instead of just creating pre-fab pop stars. And I pity poor Kelly having to sing that hideous pap they give her. Those songs were ASS.

But I suppose if you could write music, you wouldn't try out for American Idol. You'd just have a band or something.

I just always assumed that because I can't write music or play an instrument well I shouldn't be in the music business. I am amused that so many others don't see it as a problem.

I also have known so many people in my own life who could have kicked ass on this show, but are now too old, that it kind of makes me angry. So I snark more than I should, I guess.
Jan. 31st, 2003 04:26 pm (UTC)
Just popping in through a friend's friends list, and I had to say how much I loathe that kid myself. But I cannot take him seriously now that I've discovered his long lost twin.

Yes, yes, yes, I adore Simon. Especially when Paula gets all mushy for that nauseating "let me sing to you in my nauseatingly soulful way" stuff.

And YES! everyone does all sing the same!
Jan. 31st, 2003 04:41 pm (UTC)
Re: Dandelion-hair
But I cannot take him seriously now that I've discovered his long lost twin.

Oh my God, *yes*, you're absolutely right.

"Why it's my arch-nemesis Simon Cowell -- and his sidekick Paula Abdul, to whom I am fairly indifferent!" [/Sideshow Bob] V
Jan. 31st, 2003 05:33 pm (UTC)
my roommate and i watch religiously. we both want to hear frenchie sing waaaaaay more. we plan on exercising our right to vote. go frenchie, go.

and seriously, i think randy's the real mean one this time around. at least simon says something to the people. randy just laughs at them. but i like simon. paula's so predictable. i'm so thrilled i'm not the only one watching.
Feb. 1st, 2003 09:49 am (UTC)
I swore I wasn't going to get sucked in this time, but I'll be there with Frenchie. *g* I think I'm going to vote my little heart out for her. She's the first person on either show that I've actually thought I might buy her CD.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )