Workshy, dipsomaniacal, scrotum-faced tosspots, I hope drunken students piss in your beer while you're not looking and you and your pets simultaneously undergo non-fatal but messy adventures in diarrhoea;
I hope that your cars get keyed with the words "I luv Justin Timburlak" and "Man U players take it up the arse" by whey-faced feral estate children who are hopped up on glue;
I hope that that all your Christmas presents next year are handkerchiefs, white socks and cheapass lavendar bubblebath;
I hope that your maiden aunts catch you masturbating while you watch "I'm A Celebrity ... Get Me Out Of Here" on your shitty Ikea sofas and bring up "that time I caught ______ fiddling with himself" in front of your partners and parents at every family gathering from now until the crack of doomsday.
There. I feel better now.
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I still haven't found a web provider that permits remote loading so that I can use my custom mood icons. Bastards.
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In other news Michael Moore's "Stupid White Men" is a little too ranty even for me. Same with John Pilger, I can only read so far before I start muttering "Oh come on".
Not that I don't agree with a lot of what he says, just that I find he sometimes makes conspiracy-theory connections which he does not support by anything other than paranoid suspicion, and that does a disservice to his argument.
It's just tiring to read too much of it, particularly in that breathless, outraged and cod-confessional tone he has. His style is far better suited to journalism and a really tough editor who would make him firm up his facts.
Also, Mark Thomas is funnier at that sort of thing.
If you like "Stupid White Men" though, may I recommend Jon Ronson, whose book "Them: Adventures With Extremists" is gently absurd and not a little frightening. I particularly loved his encounters with Omar Mohammed Bakri, who runs al-Muhajiroon. Al-Muhajiroon is an extremist pressure group which wants to turn Britain into an Islamic Republic. Given that our national religion is tea, Coronation Street and getting plastered on a Friday night, I don't give much for their chances. However, the way that Ronson exposes Bakri's foolishness and cowardice, and even the dangerous bugger's few good points, is a great read.
And, of course, the inimitable David Icke, who believes "The X-Files" is a documentary and the world is run by strange, warlike lizard people in disguise. Looking at Donald Rumsfeld, one is forced to consider his theory. *g*