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meta, meta meta! [/Brady Bunch]

It has come to my attention since I have returned from the cold, hard real world to the soothing imaginary bosom of LJ, that we are expected to have manifestos on all manner of things and write position papers and generally pontificate. Far be it from me to turn down an opportunity to spout off...



(1) The friends list Well, first of all, I don't think it should be called a friend's list, it should be called something more realistic and less prone to arouse hurt feelings. I recommend "Bitches I'm Keeping MY EYE On!" or similar.

I have a very simple philosophy. I friend you if you're worth knowing and can get me the links to the good stuff, huh, canyacanyacanya? or can rec my stuff so it will be read by other BNFs, resulting in a veritable avalanche of brown-nosing, arse-licking and mutual frottage.

I think the whole friending/unfriending thing is fraught with difficulty so I will just say this:

I don't mind if you unfriend me as long as YOU DON'T MIND WAKING UP NEXT TO A HORSE'S HEAD, CAPISCHE? I think we understand each other.

I use filters on my reading list TO SCREEN OUT THE EVIL ALIEN MINDCONTROL, because I have foresworn environmentally costly tin foil in order to save the whales and make sure our children don't grow up in BIG YELLOW TAXI WORLD! (I could be getting a little confused about eco-responsibility here)

And also I filter people who squeeeal about "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" because we don't get that here and I am all pissy about it.

I only ever custom filter my posts WHEN I AM SLAGGING YOU OFF, YOU TALENTLESS TART. **

ETA: And do you know how you recognise a BNF? blipverts

That's right. They all have animated icons and they all watched Max Headroom and Eraserhead and STOLE the idea. So when you see an animated icon look *very* closely and for a millisecond there will be their SECRET SIGNAL flashing, which calls out to all the other BNFs who rampage over to your friends list like a herd of prolific slash-wildebeest.

Or possibly you explode. I don't know. I don't have statistics on that.


[** Except not really. I friend people I've met, people who people I like have met, people who are interesting writers and have stuff to say about the world or the creative process. All decisions about friending tend to be made haphazardly and on a whim and unfriending when I've got the hump. I usually snap out of it. ]

(2) Plagiarism is always bad.

And its most insidious, heinous form? Plagerism. You know that that stuff is *extra* evil.


(3) Slash If you like it, good. If you think it's the new black -- okay! I have loved much of it, mostly where I felt subtext I'd seen supported a slashy relationship or where the writer made me see subtext.

I wouldn't particularly welcome it if you slashed, say, Don Corleone with Vinny from My Cousin Vinny (hey, you could call it The Italian (blow) Job) but if you want to, go right ahead. Have fun. Make sure you include cigars and at least one spaghetti/schlong joke.


(4) RPF/RPS Don't like it, find it a bit disrespectful to write sexual adventures involving living people, and fifty million bright people screaming "but we are playas on the postmodern boundaries and you're just an unimaginative hater" is not going to change my mind. Partly because I don't know what the hell you're on about.

If you want to write it, fine. Have fun. I used to marry Johnny Marr on a regular basis when I was 13. I wondered about Boy George and Jon Moss ages before their affair came out (so to speak.) I read gossip. I subscribe to Popbitch. My hands are not clean. (The metaphorical ones anyway. The real ones smell of lime handwash and are squeeeeaky)

But should someone ever decide to make a test case of you -- highly unlikely but not entirely outside the realms of possibility -- don't come shaking the defence fund collection bucket at me, sunshine.


(5) NC-17 fanfiction/erotica Ah, these days my plot-to-fornication ratio has changed. I want 90% plot. It's a sign of getting old. Since my love life went mammaries aloft a couple of years ago, I find solace in your actual story stuff happening when it comes to reading matter. Otherwise I feel all Clyde Bruckman. [/TMI]


(6) Pie Pie is always good. There is no downside to pie.


(7) There is Malory Towers slash Proof that the world is weirder than you could make up. And also, oddly apposite. I think it's all that running around in very short skirts and midnight feasts.

See! It pervs itself!


* * *

Here endeth the manifestos for now. Please feel free to add your own.

Comments

( 80 comments — Leave a comment )
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matociquala
Aug. 19th, 2003 05:32 pm (UTC)
I friended you to read the frothing more conveniently. Thanks for obliging.

That is all. *g*
infinitemonkeys
Aug. 19th, 2003 05:41 pm (UTC)
Frothing? *Frothing*?

:::works up sense of outrage:::

:::reads past entries:::

Oh right, fair enough.

Hello. *g*
sharinlilbit
Aug. 19th, 2003 05:37 pm (UTC)
(4) RPF/RPS Don't like it, find it a bit disrespectful to write sexual adventures involving living people,

People are writing it about my sweetie pie -- it makes me want to wrap him in a blanket and hide him under my bed! I shield my eyes, but it's skeery.
infinitemonkeys
Aug. 19th, 2003 05:44 pm (UTC)
Well, as long as they are not slashing him with Reuben. Because there's too much wrong in that for one ball.

I saw that someone was slashing Kimberly Caldwell and Carmen Rasmussen the other day. Pfeh.

Sometimes I think they should shut the internet down and institute compulsory basket-weaving.
(no subject) - k2daisy - Aug. 19th, 2003 06:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - coffeeandink - Aug. 20th, 2003 09:04 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - infinitemonkeys - Aug. 20th, 2003 03:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - leiliaxf - Aug. 20th, 2003 08:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - kirbyfest - Aug. 21st, 2003 10:44 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - cofax7 - Aug. 20th, 2003 09:19 am (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - k2daisy - Aug. 20th, 2003 10:09 am (UTC) - Expand
cofax7
Aug. 19th, 2003 05:44 pm (UTC)
and -- she's back!
Mwahahahahaha.

Love you to death. And the icon still makes me die laughing.

infinitemonkeys
Aug. 20th, 2003 04:01 am (UTC)
Re: and -- she's back!
Ta. Yours is coming. No, honest! *g*
ropo
Aug. 19th, 2003 05:46 pm (UTC)
You're funny. When are you coming back to visit? Could you possibly handle another road trip with me along? I now have no idea when I'll be coming to your country, due to a) my being a lazyass beeyotch and not yet putting in for another passport, while mine has expired, and now the soonest I'd be sure of getting one is early October; and b) Evil vatrixsta and <"lj user="narida"> are probably luring me to Chicago in October anyway, which will push my UK trip back to March or so.

Do you suppose it means anything that someone friended me and about a week later deleted their LJ?

You are correct -- plagiarism is is worse when misspelled.

<-- Also freaked out by RPF, even if it's the new black and all the cool kids are doing it. If it wasn't right to write about Duchovny/Anderson, when did it become okay to do it to the LotR guys and such?

I hope to always stay on your good side because I'm pretty ascared of live horses, let alone decapitated ones on my pillow. I will try to keep my public "Queer Eye" love to a minimum.

Peace, Love and David Essex to you.
ropo
Aug. 19th, 2003 05:48 pm (UTC)
Oops. That should have read narida. Duh.
(no subject) - ropo - Aug. 19th, 2003 05:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - infinitemonkeys - Aug. 20th, 2003 04:08 am (UTC) - Expand
kirbyfest
Aug. 19th, 2003 06:04 pm (UTC)
I adore you. If that's OK.
infinitemonkeys
Aug. 20th, 2003 04:24 am (UTC)
Ta very much. *g*

I hope your week is now about to improve exponentially because it sounds like you're having a shite time.
bonetree
Aug. 19th, 2003 06:08 pm (UTC)
Wow, I wish my mammaries would go aloft. I'm at mid-30 over here and there ain't much "loft" left.

I'm glad you friended me. You make me laugh up a lung and many of your posts give me all sorts of new British insults to befuddle my high schoolers with. I actually put "skiving" in a policy statement. Take THAT Department of Education!
infinitemonkeys
Aug. 20th, 2003 04:10 am (UTC)
Lacking loft
Skiving. In an official report. ::sniffle::: I am so proud.
nostalgia_lj
Aug. 19th, 2003 06:12 pm (UTC)
I don't know the BNFs! *cries*
infinitemonkeys
Aug. 20th, 2003 04:11 am (UTC)
:::whispers::: Look at the icons. Thatsall'msayin'
(no subject) - nostalgia_lj - Aug. 20th, 2003 07:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
breyer
Aug. 19th, 2003 06:41 pm (UTC)
I swear you always know when I need a really good laugh. In fact, it's sorta skeery. *g*
infinitemonkeys
Aug. 20th, 2003 04:14 am (UTC)
J! Hope to see you on IM this weekend. Because I'm supposed to be painting and you can facilitate avoidance *and* make me laugh *g*

Hope the vacation is/was good.
barkley
Aug. 19th, 2003 06:45 pm (UTC)
I will so pimp you to the BNFs if you write Spooks fic. So, so, pimp. And then when I'm done? I will pimp some more.

If not? You're on the chopping block. *g*

infinitemonkeys
Aug. 20th, 2003 04:30 am (UTC)
Threats, eh?

I like the way your mind works
(no subject) - muridae_x - Aug. 20th, 2003 08:36 am (UTC) - Expand
thassalia
Aug. 19th, 2003 07:00 pm (UTC)
Clever and witty genius that you are, you've completed a day of pure LJ happiness for me:)

If for no other reason than that you wrote the following:
And its most insidious, heinous form? Plagerism. You know that that stuff is *extra* evil.

I wouldn't particularly welcome it if you slashed, say, Don Corleone with Vinny from My Cousin Vinny (hey, you could call it The Italian (blow) Job)

Hee hee. I can now go home happy! Oh, and love the animated icons. There should now be a rule that they must all contain subliminal messages or dirty images, ala Fight Club:)
infinitemonkeys
Aug. 20th, 2003 04:20 am (UTC)
And for you

:::points upwards:::

Thank you so much for the idea, it made me laugh like a drain
(no subject) - thassalia - Aug. 20th, 2003 10:38 am (UTC) - Expand
vonniek
Aug. 19th, 2003 07:11 pm (UTC)
I find solace in your actual story stuff happening when it comes to reading matter. Otherwise I feel all Clyde Bruckman. [/TMI]

BWhahaha! No, no, I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you. Because this is me. I even yell at the computer screen, "stop having so many freakin' mind-blowing orgasms already, goddamn you!" Sad, but true.

Also; Like barkley, I shall pimp you and your fic to all the BNFs I know if you write the promised Tom Quinn/Peter Salter slash (although, truth be told, I only know, like, total of 3 BNFs, none of whom watch Spooks/MI-5. But let's not split hairs here.)
musesfool
Aug. 19th, 2003 07:20 pm (UTC)
I think I love you. Will you marry me?
infinitemonkeys
Aug. 20th, 2003 04:22 am (UTC)
Of course! :::tries on white meringue frock:::

I meant to say this before but should you be short of a Brit beta, you're welcome to send your HP to me.
(no subject) - musesfool - Aug. 20th, 2003 09:19 am (UTC) - Expand
calanthe_b
Aug. 19th, 2003 07:53 pm (UTC)
(7) There is Malory Towers slash Proof that the world is weirder than you could make up. And also, oddly apposite. I think it's all that running around in very short skirts and midnight feasts.

~g~ Er, actually, there is Malory Towers femmeslash. MT slash would be...practically impossible to achieve, I think! But I don't think it's short skirts or midnight feasts which inspire it so much as the existence of a body of texts that focus exclusively on female community and female relationships, whether romantic, sexual or just plain friendly (or...not, if Gwendoline Mary happens to be involved...).

I'm not part of the fandom, btw--I just know a lot of the people involved and find the RPG enormous fun to watch
infinitemonkeys
Aug. 20th, 2003 04:39 am (UTC)
~g~ Er, actually, there is Malory Towers femmeslash. MT slash would be...practically impossible to achieve, I think!

Ah yes, the dangers of being slapdash about terminology are suddenly apparent. *cough* yes. femmeslash. *g*

But I don't think it's short skirts or midnight feasts which inspire it so much as the existence of a body of texts that focus exclusively on female community and female relationships, whether romantic, sexual or just plain friendly (or...not, if Gwendoline Mary happens to be involved...).

It's just the thought of an imaginative community built on something that's so much a part of our childhood that boggles. And the detourning of Blyton isn't to be sniffed at either. Snerked at, yes. I think it's a marvellous idea.

Is there a St Clare's fandom too? Because I think that actually scares me.

(no subject) - muridae_x - Aug. 20th, 2003 05:00 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - infinitemonkeys - Aug. 20th, 2003 03:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - calanthe_b - Aug. 20th, 2003 04:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - 7tree_hugger - Nov. 10th, 2009 12:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
lilydale
Aug. 19th, 2003 08:08 pm (UTC)
From the opening Brady Bunch shout-out to the numbered list to the unending wit and snark, you are so one of my most favorite people. If only you had included as your music "pretentious yet soothing wails of wimpy britpop boys" I would totally be yours forever no questions asked. *g*
infinitemonkeys
Aug. 20th, 2003 04:31 am (UTC)
But the pretentious yet soothing wails of wimpy Britpop boys goes without saying! *g*

katcorvi
Aug. 19th, 2003 08:59 pm (UTC)
Dang, but you write the funniest stuff. Even when I don't get half of it (my internet life is rather sheltered, and given this RPS stuff I *just* learned about, I'm really happy to be so out-of-the-know and whatnot), I still find myself laughing and loving your posts.

Hey, about Elton John in your CD player? He's cool. I like his stuff. But then, I'm not one of the cool kids, so maybe I don't know...but I'd ride along in your car and sing with you and be happy.

I'm very happy that you "friended" me. Keep writing.Or frothing, as the case may be.
infinitemonkeys
Aug. 20th, 2003 08:07 am (UTC)
You fall under the category of people I like who I've met. You could ride in the car with me had my car not been *stolen* :::dramatic chords of cinematic doom:::

*g*

And yes to what you said about RPS/RPF stuff. It puzzles.
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