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:::studiously ignores current affairs:::

i. At last, the "shut up, you cow" show!

When I emptied the email box this morning for the first time in *cough* days, one of my lists had the smackdown I have been waiting about six months for. It's made me cheerful all day and I only hope it was accompanied by a private smackdown the size of Birmingham.

* * *

ii. Bananas!

The banana story apparently made the Sunday Times diary section last week, or so I was told. If I were X, I would have left the country by now.

* * *

iii. "They couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo, much less the right note"



Today is a beautiful day in London. It's warm with a citrusy sun and little white clouds scudding across the sky, but I am stuck in the house, waiting for the delivery of a rental car. I'm heading up north for the weekend tomorrow, after the evil shift is done with me, because it's the Eurovision Song Contest, for which my parents have a small party each year. I could try not attending, but the earache is probably not worth it.

The Eurovision, for those of you lucky enough to be unfamiliar with the concept, is a four-hour extravaganza in which the countries of Europe each put forward a song to be judged by their peers.

Some of these songs are unbelievably terrible. Some are sung by extremely ugly German men with mustaches, accompanied by large stuffed animals. Some are sung by transvestites in air hostess uniforms (yes, Slovenia, I'm looking at you). One absolutely fantastic piece of trashpop was sung by an Israeli transsexual called Dana International, who was probably the most beautiful woman there that year.

Occasionally something brilliant emerges from it. Abba first became famous outside Sweden by winning the contest with Waterloo. Then again, the Eurovision brought Riverdance to the world's attention, because it was the half-time entertainment when Ireland won, and it was the first time we ever saw Celine Dion, so it's not all good. (Yes, I know Celine Dion is Canadian but she sang for Switzerland pre-getting her teeth done)

There are always terrible lyrics and bad costumes and the voting is incredibly political. For example, Estonia's entry could consist of a Groucho Marx lookalike farting into a brown paper bag, accompanied by three nubile girls on the kazoo and it would still get votes from Latvia and Lithuania. Actually it would probably get votes from Britain and Ireland too, just for the craic.

Last year, Britain's entry got nul points (you can't say no points. It has to be the French version, nul points. It's a thing) This was an occasion of great national mortification and soul-searching. There were op-ed articles about how the vote was a sign that Europe was alienated by Britain's pro-US stance on Iraq and what it meant for European integration.

However, the simpler explanation was that the song was shite and the people who were singing it couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo, never mind the right note in a tacky piece of proto-techno.

This year they've drafted in the modern day equivalents of the Brill Building writers -- if the Brill Building writers had been dead-eyed soulless corporate shills writing seamlessly shiny records for the seamlessly shiny Kylie Minogue -- to construct an uber-entry for the Eurovision. And Britain still won't win because they hates us, oh yes they do.

Can't say I blame 'em. Anyway, yes, going to the Eurovision this weekend.

* * *

iv. Lies, damned lies and memes

I was going to do the WIPs meme but no one has time for that particular 60K entry. Also, the "in progress" thing is a bit of a misnomer.

* * *

v. Stargate III: The Search for Shiny

Today's Stargate was Lost City part one. Swear to God there was more chemistry between Daniel and Teal'c than Sam'n'Jack. It's perplexing. It's weird how much more I liked that episode than most of the rest of the season.

Anyway, tonight being the endless 6pm to 2am shift, I wondered if someone might be kind enough to point me towards any sort of recs primer for Stargate. Happy to read anything gen and plotty or slash and plotty or even Sam'n'Jack and plotty. If it rips yer heart out and stomps on it so much the better, but please no Muldertorture of Daniel or Jack. I've been reading Muldertorture this week and I find it absurd, in the way that a word is absurd if you say it over and over in your head in various voices.

Hedgehog. Hedgehog. Hedgehog. Heeeedddgehooog.

* * *

vi. Guess. Go on. Just guess

Random guess-the-lyrics lyrics quiz, stolen from everyone, except these are all from my iPod 80s list. (NB some of these might be from the late 70s or very early 90s) God, the 80s were a great decade for terrible yet wonderful music. Editorial comments in these



1. Ambition and love wearing boxing gloves / And singing hearts and flowers

2. You cry out in your sleep / All my failings exposed. / And there's a taste in my mouth, / As desperation takes hold.

3. Hey everybody take a look at me / I've got street credibility,
I may not have a job / But I have a good time / With the boys that I meet "down on the line"


heh

4. well I'm standing here what do I see? / a big nothing / threatening me
it's so sad / when you're young / to be told / you're having fun


5. Burning the ground, I break from the crowd / I'm on the hunt, I'm after you

6. I got three passports, a couple of visas / you don't even know my real name

Heh, again

7. There's more to life than books, you know / but not much more

8. Now the sun's gone to hell / And the moon's riding high
Let me bid you farewell / Every man has to die

9. shiver and say the words / of every lie you've heard


10. And they tell me that women grow on trees / And if you catch them right they will land upon their knees

Comments

( 27 comments — Leave a comment )
se_parsons
May. 14th, 2004 09:33 am (UTC)
I am a big loser that only knows 5 - Duran Duran - Hungry Like the Wolf and 6 - Talking Heads, Life During Wartime.

And, sadly, I also know of the Eurovision contest becuase of Abba winning it. I am a HUGE HUGE loser.

i will also be online tonight if you are able to IM at all and still online. It will probably be the very end of your shift. I have to finish the Freelance project from Hell when I get home from work.
infinitemonkeys
May. 14th, 2004 05:37 pm (UTC)
And, sadly, I also know of the Eurovision contest becuase of Abba winning it. I am a HUGE HUGE loser.

Okay, this made me laugh. But the list was rather Anglocentric.

I wish I could IM at work but alas, it just slows the system to a crawl these days, so I daren't. Good luck with the FPFH though.
herself_nyc
May. 14th, 2004 09:35 am (UTC)
Love your Royle Family icon!
infinitemonkeys
May. 14th, 2004 05:38 pm (UTC)
Thanks. It's a show I'm really fond of.
katie_m
May. 14th, 2004 09:37 am (UTC)
Stargate recs:

Versaphile. Versaphile is big; I don't know that I'd say I personally recommend everything in it, but it will at least ensure that you don't have to wade through stuff that isn't in decent English.

Destina's Stargate recs. Mostly slash, with some gen.

Bright Shiny Objects. The link is to the most recent list; also look to the recs by fandom on the left.

The crack_van recs.

Tripoli's recs are slash and gen; like Versaphile, I don't agree with all of them, but there's quite a few to look at.
infinitemonkeys
May. 14th, 2004 05:38 pm (UTC)
Thank you. *Much* appreciated.
minnow1212
May. 14th, 2004 09:41 am (UTC)
>6. I got three passports, a couple of visas / you don't even know my real name<

Heh. One I know! Life During Wartime, yeah?

Stargate recs: Vonnie did a whole bunch for me when I succumbed to the lure, and they're in the comments to this entry. Rheanna's stuff is gen and plotty and funny.
infinitemonkeys
May. 14th, 2004 05:39 pm (UTC)
It is! And thanks for the link
musesfool
May. 14th, 2004 09:46 am (UTC)
2. You cry out in your sleep / All my failings exposed. / And there's a taste in my mouth, / As desperation takes hold.

Love Will Tear Us Apart (Again) - Joy Division

5. Burning the ground, I break from the crowd / I'm on the hunt, I'm after you

Hungry Like the Wolf - Duran Duran

6. I got three passports, a couple of visas / you don't even know my real name

Life During Wartime - Talking Heads

I feel like I should know more. Sigh.
infinitemonkeys
May. 14th, 2004 05:40 pm (UTC)
It's a bit of an Anglocentric list, I think. I ran out of time trying to make it more fully rounded.
barkley
May. 14th, 2004 09:49 am (UTC)
8. Dire Straits - Brothers in Arms.

Recs without torture. You just had to be difficult. I just looked over my list (which I haven't updated in months) and, well, they're all kind of angsty and in some cases torturific.) But more than a few of them are long and plotty and good.

http://www.bonuspoints.net/Stargate_Recs.html

The first half is ship/gen, the second half is slash. If it says "hits my buttons" then you can probably stay away from it. *g*


Destina's rec page is here: http://www.lyricalmagic.com/miscrecs2.html

I'm currently reading through the novel archive:
http://sgnovels.shahrazad.net/archive1/new.html

I'll let you know if anything good pops up.
infinitemonkeys
May. 14th, 2004 05:43 pm (UTC)
Oh, I dunno, I don't mind the old torture so much most of the time, it's just that I've been reading bad Muldertorture and the mocking reflex is to the fore.

Thanks for the recs and also thanks for all the advice on the codecs and such the other day. I managed to patch together the avi and audio files enough that I could watch the episode.
cofax7
May. 14th, 2004 09:50 am (UTC)
one of my lists had the smackdown I have been waiting about six months for

Wheee! Oh, I've got to hear all about this.

no one has time for that particular 60K entry

Oh, you must! Please please please?

I wondered if someone might be kind enough to point me towards any sort of recs primer for Stargate

I've got links to some SG recs in my memories.

Read Rheanna, Salieri, Tripoli, Otter, Maayan, Katie_M. Nanda does Jack/Sam, but believably ("Meaningless" is particularly fucked up, and good). Salieri's latest (link on yesterday's LJ) will tear your heart out and stomp on it, and you'll love her for it. Simply gorgeous.

Minnow & SEP already got the really obvious one. *g* But Number 8 is Dire Straits, Brothers in Arms.
infinitemonkeys
May. 14th, 2004 05:47 pm (UTC)
(1) It was on WhyIncision. Bloody Cynthia Baker was irretrievably snarky about someone's story again, saying that people were "biting their lips" rather than speak about it. Really uncalled for remarks in a public forum where people are putting their stories out for axing. The WhyIncision mods delivered a very timely "shut up" post and it was a beautiful thing. She's been stamping on other people's buttons for too long.

(2) I loved your WIP meme answers but you actually finish stuff. There's hope for your WIPs.

(3) Thanks, I shall mine your memory links sharpish. I think I like the idea of fic better than the idea of the show, which is often cheesy bland fun. (though not today. Today's was *good*. I hope that we're going to cycle back to the start now so I can see S2 and 3 etc)
snacky
May. 14th, 2004 10:11 am (UTC)
one of my lists had the smackdown I have been waiting about six months for.

I believe I know of which you speak, Mysterious Stranger. And I smiled a great big smile at it too.

3. Hey everybody take a look at me / I've got street credibility,
I may not have a job / But I have a good time / With the boys that I meet "down on the line"


Heh, indeed. Wham!Rap.

9. shiver and say the words / of every lie you've heard

Bring on the Dancing Horses

10. And they tell me that women grow on trees / And if you catch them right they will land upon their knees

Is this the Housemartins?
infinitemonkeys
May. 14th, 2004 05:49 pm (UTC)
It is The Housemartins. Happy Hour. I wore a black tie to school when they split up. Yeah, I know, I'm a saddo.
(Deleted comment)
infinitemonkeys
May. 14th, 2004 05:50 pm (UTC)
My work is done.

Nah, good on the kid. He must be talented.
timesink
May. 14th, 2004 10:18 am (UTC)
Google, Nexis and the Times' own search function have failed me. Would you please tell the danged banana story?

Oh, and the one about the smackdown, too, please.
infinitemonkeys
May. 14th, 2004 05:59 pm (UTC)
See above, re: smackdown. It was for a remark she made about one of the Blood Ties stories. Not my favourite thing ever but she was bang out of order.

The banana story. I investigated and I think that the thing about the Times was either duff info or it's gone from their archives for other reasons.

So. A chap left a disk on his desk, marked "fonts". His colleague (technically, he is the boss) opens it because they need fonts.

Instead of the expected fonts, there lurk pictures of him, stark bollock naked in front of a mirror, doing Things Which Should Not Be Made Public with a banana up his fundament. An object lesson in why your digital camera is not necessarily your friend.

Story spreads like wildfire, people can no longer eat the bananas off the food platters at group meetings when he's around. No one knows whether he knows we know.

Story continues to spread *g*
xsabx
May. 14th, 2004 10:19 am (UTC)
1. Ambition and love wearing boxing gloves / And singing hearts and flowers

Somewhere in my Heart by Aztec Camera. Would still have Roddy Frame's babies if he asked.

2. You cry out in your sleep / All my failings exposed. / And there's a taste in my mouth, / As desperation takes hold.

Oh, it's Angst ahoy! Joy Division, a song that can still reduce me to tears in the right mood (along with The Whole of the Moon by The Waterboys)

3. Hey everybody take a look at me / I've got street credibility,
I may not have a job / But I have a good time / With the boys that I meet "down on the line"


"I say D.H.S.S" Was I the *only* person who didn't guess George Michael was Gay? Young Guns (Go for It) by Wham

4. well I'm standing here what do I see? / a big nothing / threatening me
it's so sad / when you're young / to be told / you're having fun


'So unlock the jukebox and do us all a favour..." Ant Music, Adam and the Ants.

5. Burning the ground, I break from the crowd / I'm on the hunt, I'm after you
Duran Duran, 'Hungry like the Wolf". Nuff said. I'll get me coat.

6. I got three passports, a couple of visas / you don't even know my real name
Talking Heads?

7. There's more to life than books, you know / but not much more
The Smiths, though I couldn't tell you the title, I know the line though, committed to memory...

8. Now the sun's gone to hell / And the moon's riding high
Let me bid you farewell / Every man has to die

Two Cathedrals, Apex of Sorkin's creativity... oh, sorry. Dire Straits 'Brothers in Arms'

9. shiver and say the words / of every lie you've heard
Echo and the Bunnymen 'Bring on the Dancing Horses. This is disturbing...

10. And they tell me that women grow on trees / And if you catch them right they will land upon their knees
Housemartins 'Happy Hour'

It's official, you are me and I claim my 5 pounds... :D
infinitemonkeys
May. 14th, 2004 06:02 pm (UTC)
Wow. You're good.
"Life During Wartime" Talking Heads.
"Handsome Devil" The Smiths
vonniek
May. 14th, 2004 10:34 am (UTC)
First of all, wheee! at your wanting to read SG-fic! We have some outstanding writers in the fandom--many would say the fic is even better than the show.

The main sites for SG recs have been covered already. I particularly like Destina's site--excellent for both slash and gen. BSO recs come mostly from me and Christine cgb, and our tastes run toward plotty gen/character vignettes rather than for any particular ship or slash pairing. However, we've only started doing the SG part of the rec a little over half a year ago, so a lot of older stories--what I'd consider the classics in the fandom--are missing from the site.

Let me see. Since Katie gave a pretty comprehensive list for rec sites, I'll give you the individual writers instead:

Rheanna is a good place to start. Only three stories, but what stories! They are marvellous plotty gens with wonderful character voices. Requires minimal canon knowledge, as they are mostly set in season 1.

Everything Salieri has ever written. The woman writes like a dream. "Willing" and "Surface Tension" are probably my favorites, but they are all excellent. Most of the stories are off the scale on angst-o-meter, but not gratuitously so. She is also the only writer I know who regularly deals with the psychological ramifications of a Goa'uld possession--I love her for that.

Otter writes short stories with these terrific, gut-wrenching twists.

Tripoli has written only a handful of stories, but "The Cost of Doing Business" has the distinction of having reduced your entire cabal of SG-pimp (i.e. barkley, Katie, me and Suela) into curling up into a fetal position and whimpering. MAJOR Daniel-whupping, but man, what a story. "Both Sides Now" is also terrific, dealing with the consequences of Daniel's ascension.

Maayan is new to the fandom. She's got a wonderful style--her first story, "System of a Down", is probably my favorite but all her stories are worth reading.

Our own Katie's stories are indexed here on her LJ--someone's gotta build the woman a kicky website one of these days. "Combinations", "In the Wrong Story" and "Almost A Statesman" are her longer stories, and they are *wonderful*. Her drabbles (also linked on the index) are good, too.

I also gave minnow the links to a bunch of other writers I thought were pretty good, in addition to those mentioned already.

Happy reading!
infinitemonkeys
May. 14th, 2004 06:02 pm (UTC)
Yay. Thanks for the recs; I shall download and imbibe.
comice
May. 14th, 2004 04:10 pm (UTC)
:: waves ::
i. Can that happen every damned day?

ii. Oh my God! Just more proof as to why the digital age is ever the enemy of narcissistic morons: in the old days, only the people at the film processing place were laughing at you. Now? Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: !!

Moving off the planet might be a better idea for X.

iii. Poor banjo.

iv. 'K

v. I've not succumbed to the SG love.

vi. I wasn't as close as someone else above, but I was at 80%. !!!

vii. Lovely, as always, to see you.
infinitemonkeys
May. 14th, 2004 06:07 pm (UTC)
Re: :: waves ::
i. If only.
ii. Poor sod.
iii. I think you're probably right
iv. We'll see how long it lasts.
v. I suspect it's because it's good cheesy fun with angst. I miss that.
vi. Congrats
vii. Likewise *g*
sorlklewis
May. 14th, 2004 08:51 pm (UTC)
Do the WIP meme! Do it!

Lost City pt 2, in particular the very, very end, is hysterical because of the proposed Jack/Sam 'ship. It's just not there! Can't they see it? Makes for amusement, though. Perplexing, as you said, but still amusing.

Everyone else has already recced what I was going to rec, so let me just additionally say Yes to anything by Maayan, Salieri, Tripoli, and Katie M. That's all I've really read thus far. *g*

Hedgehog. Hedgehog. Hedgehog. Heeeedddgehooog.

I've missed your posts so very much, y'know.
muridae_x
May. 15th, 2004 02:59 am (UTC)
They couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo, much less the right note

Ah, Eurovision. The best thing, I find, is to watch it with the sound turned off and the subtitles on. Or only to tune in for the voting.

Best of luck with your Eurovision party. I get to have this year off because of my two Eurovision-obsessive friends the one who normally holds the parties has actually gone to Istanbul to see it live, and the other doesn't approve of the way the rest of us laugh and mock so insists on watching it alone so that he can give it the reverence it deserves.

Well, in his mind anyway. ;-)
( 27 comments — Leave a comment )

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