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Sic transit Gloria Gaynor

Most important things first.

1) Many, many congratulations to xsabx
2) Happy birthday to copygirl and belatedly, to christhetoken
3) Hello again.

* * *

Each year in the historic village of Brodilovo, some 320 miles from the Bulgarian capital Sofia, they have an ancient custom called Trichane na kuche

The villagers grab a large dog and harness it into a specially crafted device attached to two twisted ropes. They then haul the poor cur out over a pond and the two ropes begin to unspool, spinning the terrified dog faster and faster.

The villagers believe that the more excrement dispersed into the pond by the swiftly spinning dog (lending new credence to the term "shit-scared"), the healthier and wealthier the village would be. **

What a perfect metaphor for the flaming LJ slapfight. I think we're in for a very healthy and wealthy year already.

Should anyone object to being characterised as the "dog", I suggest you run a find/replace and substitute another animal. Aardvark, maybe. Echidna. Sloth. Wombat. Politician. Whatever. Only the tonnage of shite varies)
**If you think I am making this bit up, I'm not. It's totally true. I can probably even rustle up some photographic evidence

* * *
I see that Friendsditto caused a cloud of hissyfits last week and I thought that amid the general "Subscribe to Frienditto and I will SHUN THEE!" and "defriending amnesty" posts, I should state my friends list position once more:

If you defriend me, I understand that this is seldom a personal judgment but more the manifestation of a general diverging of interests. The LJ use of terminology is freighted with meanings which makes it incredibly difficult to negotiate a social contract agreeable to all and understood at an end user level

Nevertheless, I *will* hunt you down and kill you.

Not so quick on the button now, are you sunshine? Not now that you know that I'm going to shove your computer so far up your freckle you can type the answers to the "Which rock god would shag you?" meme with your tongue

And if you hide yourself away I will send my RABID KILLER ATTACK BEES after you and don't go saying there's no such thing as rabid killer attack bees, did you not watch The X-Files? Was the philosophical message of The Swarm lost on you? Did Michael Caine toil for NOTHING?

Also, I know there are killer attack bees because I have the Discovery Channel, National Geographic, Animal Planet, the History Channel and the food channel on my cable package which is like AN A-LEVEL in Weird Shit (I also have UK Style, oxymoron though it is) and I am thus an EXPERT in Weird Shit.

Well, weird shit, sharks and Nazis. And if you defriend me I will send the RABID NAZI SHARKS after you. That'll be the second wave, after the bees. And then the bees will sting the sharks to get them really pissed off. You won't even be safe IN THE BATH, you evil defriending BASTARD!

Now where was my medication again?

Long story short: friend/defriend, there's not much I can do about it, but I am always sorry to see people go. (Unless I'm not).

I know that some people filter and for people on the flist, I have to say that if you're on there I'm interested in anything you have to say about anything as a rule, whether you filter for work things/ politics things/ hobby things. Most filters interest me. Except if you have a gynaecology filter or similar, because I wouldn't want to be on that even if you do feel it's central to your personality.

Indeed, I would go further and suggest that you should please, for the love of God, repress a bit. Share less. We'll all feel better.

I hope that clarifies things.

Actually I did write a post about friending and unfriending some time ago and I rather liked it but I am buggered if I know when it was.

* * *
Real-live RPS, OMG!!1! Pt 1.

Piers Morgan, former editor of the Daily Mirror, says his relationship with Tony Blair carried a homoerotic frisson

Morgan stresses that he and Blair met 56 times, not counting public events. He says it was an extraordinarily intimate relationship. He talks with tenderness about the notes he received from Blair - always handwritten. Morgan saves most of his bile for Cherie, accusing her of inconsistency and meanness and double-dealing. There seems to be a homoerotic tinge to his relationship with Blair, I say. He nods. "There is a touch of that." I tell him I kept expecting to read, "There were three of us in this marriage." "There were! Possibly four, with Campbell. Tony and I could have been very happy together if it hadn't been for her." He's joking - and not joking. [ The Grauniad on Saturday]

Piers kept Tony's billets doux! He counted up how often they met! They could have been happy together if it weren't for that bitch Cherie!

The slash just writes itself, just as it does with Blair/Brown. Blair/Bush's a bit BDSM for my taste, involving as it does heavy sub/dom action.

Proof that the profoundly unsexy Tony Blair is nevertheless *totally* out of Piers Morgan's league, here

* * *
God bless the peers, who defeated the government's cretinous and power-grabbing terror bill

* * *
I note that the US has appointed a bumptious weasel scrotum outspoken hawk to be US ambassador to the United Nations, which is going to be interesting since John Bolton doesn't believe in the United Nations, or indeed any form of inter-country cooperation which does not involve the US dictating the terms.

If he's going to be a voice for reform, that's one thing and possibly a good thing. If he's going to be a loudmouthed neocon obstruction in the large intestine of international politics, that's another.

It sounds more like a sop to the crazy rightwingers courtesy of Uncle George and Condoleezza Rice, who is very bright and sometimes astute in her own way and not above that sort of thing. Why else appoint someone who despises international cooperation?

What next? Britney Spears to sing in Die Walküre? Ian Paisley for pope?

Condoleezza Rice is altogether too greedy for letters. I mean, not only does she have double E, which is pushing it a bit but she also has double Z. I suspect it's all part of a plot in which John Bolton, will use the UN to force other countries to accept the use of proper names in Scrabble, allowing Dr Rice to lengthen the word 'condo' in any game to condoleezza and thus use TWO zeds, one of them probably on some kind of double word score because she's just that jammy, and reinforce American superiority in all fields of endeavour.

(Or zees, as you call them because Noah Webster got his nads caught in the mangle about American English deriving from English English)

If this turns out to be the case, I plan to change me name to Qari-Xupezztllq, thus winning all future Scrabble matches under the new Condi rules, if only because I'm the only bugger who can spell it.


It has been suggested that Labour might not win the forthcoming election because of general voter disillusionment and a backlash against the Iraq war, which would mean that the satanic Michael Howard would win and we'd have in charge someone who makes the current bunch of illiberal bastards look like the organising committee of a commune circa 1968.

It would also mean that two members of the teensy tiny coalition of the willing, (now including the mighty POLAND!) would have the surname Howard. I think the UK should agree to invade Iran *only* if George Bush of the US and Marek Belka of POLAND! also changes their name to Howard, in keeping with Michael Howard of the UK and John Howard of Australia, thus enabling them to become The Ramones of international politics.

And then we'll all wanna be sedated

Bah-dum KKKSSSSSHHHHH!!

Thank you very much, I'll be here all year.

Comments

( 66 comments — Leave a comment )
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minnow1212
Mar. 8th, 2005 12:41 am (UTC)
>And then the bees will sting the sharks to get them really pissed off.<

:shakes head sadly: I was being brave until this point, but I cannot face the pissed-off sharks. So I guess I will be forced to keep you on my flist. *g*

infinitemonkeys
Mar. 8th, 2005 01:09 pm (UTC)
I am glad to see that animal-related threatening behaviour reasoned argument is working.
(no subject) - minnow1212 - Mar. 8th, 2005 02:38 pm (UTC) - Expand
kirbyfest
Mar. 8th, 2005 12:50 am (UTC)
Lordy, I missed you. Glad you're back, rabid Nazi sharks and all.
infinitemonkeys
Mar. 8th, 2005 01:12 pm (UTC)
I been luuuuurkin' for a bit.

(You should imagine that in a West Country/Somerset accent, if you've ever heard one. If not I'll make a .wav of it for you. It's the same voice you'd use to say "Get orf moi laaand you little bugggur")
katcorvi
Mar. 8th, 2005 12:53 am (UTC)
Welcome back. I've missed you and your rabid sharks and Scrabble ponderings.
infinitemonkeys
Mar. 8th, 2005 02:13 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I suppose rabid sharks are in short supply on LJ. Less so on the Discovery channel *g*
laurashapiro
Mar. 8th, 2005 12:53 am (UTC)
I have no cleverness to add which even approximates your level of brilliance. I just wanted to comment and say that I treasure your entries, giggling madly through them and grinning like a frelling fool.

That's all.
infinitemonkeys
Mar. 8th, 2005 03:40 pm (UTC)
Thank you. Your comment made me smile like a fool *g*
angstville
Mar. 8th, 2005 01:03 am (UTC)
I will continue to friend you and read your entries with glee, unless you have horrible stories about animal torture again. If that happens again, I will loudly and publicly defriend you while throwing virtual animal blood at you. *g*

And, for the love of all that is holy, please do not find photos of the described event, your description has me off my kibble as it is. Poor doggy.

Welcome back!
infinitemonkeys
Mar. 8th, 2005 01:20 pm (UTC)
Hey, I'm very much against the suspension of dogs over small bodies of water, still less spinning them until they lose control of their bodily functions. Yet it is a pastime in Bulgaria. We spent Sunday passing the printout of the European Pressphoto Agency picture around the office in a state of disbelief because we'd never seen anything like it. I'm amazed the Daily Mail hasn't started a campaign.

Anyway. Yes. No more horrible stories about animal torture.
musesfool
Mar. 8th, 2005 01:07 am (UTC)
Man, I love your posts.
infinitemonkeys
Mar. 8th, 2005 07:59 pm (UTC)
That one's mutual.
timesink
Mar. 8th, 2005 01:13 am (UTC)
Blair/Bush? Nah. Blair/Clinton, with Blair expressing all sorts of unrequited lurve as His Bill flirts with all the interns and not him? Absolutely.

Who the hell even uses friendsditto?
infinitemonkeys
Mar. 8th, 2005 01:24 pm (UTC)
Blair/Bush? Nah. Blair/Clinton, with Blair expressing all sorts of unrequited lurve as His Bill flirts with all the interns and not him? Absolutely.

That's just nasty. I almost feel sorry for poor, scorned Mr Tony.

They did a survey of who was the sexiest world leader to women back in 1999 or so and Clinton won easily. Tony Blair was discovered to be immensely unsexy but cuddly and trustworthy.

As I said. 1999. We know better now.

Who the hell even uses friendsditto?

Beats me.
comice
Mar. 8th, 2005 01:13 am (UTC)
I have missed you, but I do think that you could have gotten more animals into this post.

Somehow.

Also, that Piers Morgan thing? I'm now having visions of a sketch on Little Britain where Buffy's Giles was Tony Blair and tall, non-bald LBer was the assistant in love with Tony Blair. !!!

XoXoX,

C.

P.S. I promise to never post about things gynecological, unless they're funny.
infinitemonkeys
Mar. 8th, 2005 01:29 pm (UTC)
Also, that Piers Morgan thing? I'm now having visions of a sketch on Little Britain where Buffy's Giles was Tony Blair and tall, non-bald LBer was the assistant in love with Tony Blair. !!!

Now you mention it, I'm absolutely seeing it that way too.

But Piers Morgan is one of those men whose default assumption is that everyone wants to rip their keks off and have their merry way with him because he is irresistible. Alas, so untrue.

P.S. I promise to never post about things gynecological, unless they're funny.

Funny is all right. Commenting about the bitch of a day you've had because of PMT or your period is all right. Constantly updating me about the state of your fundament? Not so much.

It's not that I don't wish good and happy things for you and your bits, just that I am happy with my general state of ignorance about the nether portions of my friends list.
vivwiley
Mar. 8th, 2005 01:17 am (UTC)
Welcome back - you were missed.
infinitemonkeys
Mar. 8th, 2005 03:40 pm (UTC)
Thanks. Glad to be back
lilydale
Mar. 8th, 2005 01:24 am (UTC)
If you hadn't acknowledged that zed is also zee I would've had to defriend you immediately.

Does it make you feel happy that I can hear you saying all of this? Because I can. And oh my, I miss laughing with you!
infinitemonkeys
Mar. 8th, 2005 01:30 pm (UTC)
It's still a torch :P

*g*
vaznetti
Mar. 8th, 2005 01:41 am (UTC)
I've missed your posts, and your A-level in weird shit too.
infinitemonkeys
Mar. 8th, 2005 03:41 pm (UTC)
Thanks.
sophia_helix
Mar. 8th, 2005 01:48 am (UTC)
Can I still be your friend if I admit that I find Tony Blair to be reasonably sexy? It might be the aura of mighty POWAH, but is more likely something to do with the eyes.
infinitemonkeys
Mar. 8th, 2005 01:32 pm (UTC)
Of course you can. But I have to warn you that a friend who has met him says Blair has wicked halitosis.
unwinding
Mar. 8th, 2005 01:57 am (UTC)
i vomit lovehearts at you. y'hear? honest to goodness LOVE HEARTS.
infinitemonkeys
Mar. 8th, 2005 03:47 pm (UTC)
Is this a metaphor (in which case it may be one of the greatest ever, and I shall start using it right away) or do you mean Love Hearts, the small very sweet candies with the writing on them? Because that's less attractive, though thank you for the sentiment *g*
k2daisy
Mar. 8th, 2005 02:18 am (UTC)
If this turns out to be the case, I plan to change me name to Qari-Xupezztllq, thus winning all future Scrabble matches under the new Condi rules, if only because I'm the only bugger who can spell it.

*weeps with laughter*

Oh, welcome back.
infinitemonkeys
Mar. 8th, 2005 03:41 pm (UTC)
Cheers. I love your icon by the way.
fourteenlines
Mar. 8th, 2005 02:24 am (UTC)
Y'know, I think the world might actually be a better place if George Bush and whosname from Poland (it's Monday; too lazy to scroll back up for correct spelling) actually did change their surnames to Howard. Maybe then they'd be so bogged down in getting useless things done, they wouldn't actually have time to get damaging things done instead.

Also:

and don't go saying there's no such thing as rabid killer attack bees, did you not watch The X-Files?

*nods sagely*
infinitemonkeys
Mar. 8th, 2005 01:33 pm (UTC)
Y'know, I think the world might actually be a better place if George Bush and whosname from Poland (it's Monday; too lazy to scroll back up for correct spelling) actually did change their surnames to Howard. Maybe then they'd be so bogged down in getting useless things done, they wouldn't actually have time to get damaging things done instead.

If only. Perhaps we could come up with a list of useless things to do instead.

and don't go saying there's no such thing as rabid killer attack bees, did you not watch The X-Files?

*nods sagely*


You see. We *know* these things. TXF has taught us well
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